All By Myself

2009-02-17T01:13:00.002+08:00

Today's Topic : Can't guys & girls just purely be best friends?

As u can see, mine topic today will be this... This will happen often in relationsip...but do u all reali tink guys & girl can be juz frens...?? guys can girls hang out tog...or contact each other means ther muz be someting goin on wif these two?? has it always be like that?? y cant tink widely?? girls n guys...Just frens...nth more but frens...no matter wad explaination is given to e other gender, the opposite gender will juz say its an excuse...but some juz somehow will click wif female frens or male frens...its has to be that way... all that matter are the tinkin of e person...i koe i have said someting unhappy...but tts e fact...no point running away...

Its just e opposite gender juz cant accept e fact tt guys n girls can be actually just frens instead of into BGR...lets say..shdn't we love e person for hu he/she is ?? instead of the person's surronding?? there is sure to feel insecurity...but is the trust btw each other tt holds both tog...Yes true..the more trust u have in e person e more hurt u will recieve...but if there ain't any strong wif e person how is e relationship gona work out???

i koe its due to her past experience of her getting bastard...be two timer again n again...but wad makes u tink tt i m such a person..?? nv in my life i will do tt...ppl hu koe me will koe my character...wad kind of person i m...is it so wrong have girls/guys as a best fren of the opposite gender???? Yes, ther is limitations to everyone...even i do too... i m so tired of explaining n she is tired of mine explaination...sigh...WHY?? Help?

i m so lost...i cherish her so much, dun wish to hurt at all times...u can say its hard den it take to just throw my frenship away...Sigh...y can't tiz be solve among all relations?? it jus take one word...just one word and tt is TRUST...

2009-02-14T04:02:00.002+08:00

A few sentence i would like to delicate to my beloved girl!!

1) I am touched for what u had done for me since e day we got tog ...
2) I juz love u so much each n every single day...
3) Time spent wif u is always so honey....
4) The world changes but my love for u shall remain e same...
5) I will always be here for u!
6) U are my everyting..
7) I LOVE YOU!!!

Stan

2009-02-11T01:18:00.002+08:00

haix i juz duno...
sometings she reali said some tings tt do affect in a way...
such tings like : 1) About how nice her X can do for her..
2) Some stuff like those heartbroken jokes?

its appears that she hurt my feelings at times..but yet i choose to keep to mysf..not wanting her to koe abt it...once again today...she hurt my heart..i juz read her blogs..tings tt her x will do for her..n tink of mysf...i m sure a failure...i m not such a gd bf like her X used to...peel prawn shells for her...look out for fishbones...etc etc...

will she understand my feeling n tots at e very moment wen i read e blog??
will she?
all i koe now my heart do hurts...
i reali duno how to handle such....
i m so disappointed n upset of mysf...
cos i m not like wad she has before...
i m not loving...
i m not caring...
i m not romantic...
i m not suprising person...
i m not a smiling kind of person...
i m juz full of Nots Nots and more Nots..

2009-02-02T11:38:00.002+08:00

So how long has it been since i update?? I have no idea too...juz too long..yupps..but anyway firstly i m in a relationship now...yupps..is someting i waited long for since my last r/s..well its reali mircale for us to be tog...cos we koe each other as in koe e existance of each other but din tok or know each other well or chat..but juz suprisingly...after tt conversation..tings began to change slowly...day by day i feel tt i like her some how after some time...tings wasn't tt simple at e beginning cos too many guys goin after her including a fren of mine...so confidence was not ther for me...so i stand low..hiding my feeling...but juz always get to tok to her...she pour her worried to me abt a guy she like n waitied for 5 mths? werid tings is y did she look for me?? i did asked her before..y me? she replied cos she is comfortable to share wif me as i understand her...thats how started off every ting....

Finally...on the 15th of jan...we got tog..ha...suprise rite...mysf too...tings were okie...goin smooth but still many tings worries me..well as usual..i m juz a guy tt tink too much...slowly slowly we shared our past experience..which is someting i most dislike abt...especially e truth of every r/s..yupps u were right...nightmare n more nightmares...i juz hate it n regret not knowing her earlier...my mind were in confusion...not sure wad to do...we had a few quarrel over some matter...my frens...say share more e nx time....haix

Stanley @ 1155am

2008-10-01T02:18:00.002+08:00

Well nth much to say abt...but juz finish my law test and all...
Final!
so i guess time in camp will be slacking again...
nth much to do...
juz way wait for time to juz pass by till P.O.P =)

tok abt tt...
who will be attending my Grand Pass Out Parade??
I guess No one.....
=)
Cheers

2008-09-21T03:31:00.002+08:00

Well..its again a new post...
today went out wif "her"...after 2 or 3 mths
yuppss...
everything seems so awkward...
for wad reason i not sure....
&
yupps
i choose to leave e place earlier den i suppose too and gave a stupid reason which i koe i will not do...ha!
but den its better den be ther...
am i right shi jie?
& will feel better for her too
but then its juz not her bur i me too...i guess or i tink too much?
so..who ever read tiz post tell me...it may not be same as wad i reali feel..but somehow similar...

1) wen u sms someone n e person not onli once does reply at all or either juz stop half-way or totally nv reply at all for those msges tt was being sent...What is e person telling u??

2) not even a greetin from e person for like 3mths..like used to be..So wad is person telling u?

3) finally a few msg from e person...but after tt juz cut off again...

4) juz totally ignores almost all msges and msn msg....and again wad is e person tellin u? or rather wad will u tink??

i duno e ans to them...
And
YES i wan to koe the answers to them...
true...mayb busy...or juz feelin weak....
juz not in e mood today.....after all these...

2008-07-27T01:12:00.002+08:00

One ting to let anyone hu read tiz post!!
Well is tiz is my 6wk in HTA..=)
Tiz wk was reali a fun and relaxin wk...
Because i was having a Range Wk...whereby i will be training on how to use e Revolver 0.85..throughout my 4.5 days in camp..
Was fun and cool man~!
There were a total of 6 Frames..which means i have to fire out like duno how many hundreds bullet..hahaha!

1st Frame: I did badly..i failed my shooting...Was feeling sad and disappointing lor..Demoralise...

2nd Frame: I manage to juz pass my shooting...so was kinda of happy..at least better den e previous test..

3rd Frame: Finally I scored better den e first two frames...gotten a 2nd class position..so still okie..not so bad after all..becos of e use of e laser...

4th Frame: I gotten Marksmanship..!!! Was so happy la...even though is onli by a few points..still got the sense of achievement..hahaha!!

5th Frame: Well missed by quite alot of point to obtain marksmanship...but still gotten 1st class position...so not so bad...juz tt worried for my 6th Frame...cos is e final n final last Frame which will affect my POSTING after I POP!!!

6th Frame: Wa!!!!!!!!!!!! Gotten Marksmanship!!!! Damn happy...also...for e first time...e whole squad manage to have all passers...becos nv had a squad tt manage to have all passers for e first try of shooting..so my sqaud was e first =)... also gotten 25 cadets to score Marksmanship =p....Cool rite!!!~~~

THE END!!

2008-06-29T02:52:00.002+08:00

Fri ( 27/8/08)
hmm...book out for e second time..
still e same...book out...1st person to meet was?!?!?
Make a guess...????
Was my manager...LOL!!
Met him for supper at Changi Village ytd...
Talked abt his experinces during his NS life and all la...but din reali chat up real late...
After which, he drove me home... =)

Sat (28/8/08)
Hmm...today was suppose to celebrate snoopig early birthday...but it doesnt seems like e mood for it...so sorry...
Accompany her to settle some stuff for her oversea flight...

Then...........................!
Had lunch at billy bombards...eating e cheese founduiiii!!! but still i end up eating most it...while Snoopig had her fav milky-shake shake (strawberry)!
I rmb i ordered vanilla for her...but she heard me said strawberry...so weird...but e crew serve us vanilla...guess piglet heard wrongly la...

After which we went to PS to catch a movie...wanted to watch "Never Back Down" but den PS dun have so walked over to Grand Cathy...also dun have...saddening la...but nvm...managed to watch another nice and cool show..."Wanted"
Thoough is kinda of blood show...but was cool!!!!

Headed home after e movie...but had a short walking session ard first before take taxi back home...So now i had treated her lunch/dinner, moive but still haven gotten her present....!!
Piglet! let me koe again alrite??

Today is e last day for me to meet up wif her..yuupps...feeling sad and of cos she bu de la...still nearly got tears okie?!

She is so near yet so far....( onli piglet koe the reason =p)
Better promise wad u have promised me ah...!
Kai Xin Guo nv meet le...=( so better keep ur promise!
2 promises okie...!???!!!
Wish u all e best, healthy, cheerful, strong and brave....!!

Alrite, gotta booked in again tml...bored bored bored bored!!! Haix!!!

2008-06-20T23:25:00.002+08:00

Finally my 10 days of phyical training is over and is my first booked out today....which is 20th jun...Confinement is done now is looking forward to every week's booking out day for 12 wks...and followed by POP, which is my pass out day to become a real Police Officer...

Anyways...training was kinda of tough...cos i wasnt used to everyday phyiscal training...so ya...now i m dark n tanned!!! phyically abit improve and i passed my IPPT which is required for all NS men....

Met Shereen today right after my book out....had dinner today...and was the first to see my botak hair...touched anot!! not like u laa.....BO XIM!!! =p

Juz too many stuff to be done by tiz weekend...
Tired but dun wish to slp yet!!

2008-06-10T02:22:00.002+08:00

*Being Alone!*

Yes last post for e quite some time...
Speechless yet many ting to post abt ytd and today...
But juz dun feel like saying now...
Few more hrs to enlistment....
Neeeewwwww Beginning....
Training shall start tml onwards....
Bye to all......

2008-06-06T00:37:00.002+08:00

Alrites!! Its mine and melrize(Mei Mei) bday today...!!
Shall wish both of us a happy bday!!
Early of the day....i had driving lessons...everyting is per-normal...so ya...
LOL!!
After that accompany a fren of my for breakfast and shop a little while before meeting jessica...hu make me wait for nearly one hr..(as usual)..LOL!!

But after that my mood wasnt reali that good...WHY?
Reason is becos one by one calling me and tell me : "oh today i cant make it tonite so sry.."
So i was kinda of angry yet sad...but then ya...they had someting more impt that tiz...so forgive and forgot...No worries guys...no blames on u =)

Had lunch today at TCC wif jessica...which i nv koe that she had a fren name alex working ther....So i was given a suprise suprise today...yuppss..thanks alot...
Then after that followed up wif a dinner at Swensen at suntec wif the rest of my poly frens and Snoopig!!

Had reali a great time today...share joy and laughter tog wif all of them..making me feel so ease and ya...bonded..!! Also recieve gifts like shirts, 3 belts which is e most of the yr, a keychain for handphone and lastly and my most precious lovely one is the SNOOPY Soft Toy!! I will cherish it alots!!!
In fact...my cousin Shereen...she reali did alot of stuff for me...i reali reali am very touched by it...having her spending her time making those snoopy like pages and all e photo and all...i reali duno how to thank her for all these..
She had brought me joy and laughter all e time we are out...and now my birthday she made it a very memorable day for me...
Love ya snoopig!!! Thanks for everything!!!!! You will get better before going oversea....!!
Thanks Thanks Thanks!!
Thanks To every one of my fren that celebrated wif me .... =)

2008-06-04T22:59:00.002+08:00

Had sort of celebration?? or wasnt a celebration at all...cos i dun feel excited or reali happy as before...
Instead i felt lonely....
Gathering wif my sec sch frens...i tot would have alot of topic and stuff to do...however, we did nth after dinner...had a little conversations and laughter..but still i dun feel the same as before anymore...
Anyways...i dun hang out with them at all...onli like once in a while for time like this...
But they always hang out tog without me...so do u tink i wun feel lonely??
But still i m thankful that they took time to gather tog and got me a MP3...
Thanks alot...

I may or may not be happy able celebrating my up coming bday...but still i m thankful to my frens that do take time for it....

Lastly, i m sorry...
For not being a gd orangiser or planner.....
Onli juz gather for dinner and chit chat....
Juz like it simple but i love suprises but guess not tiz yr....

2008-06-03T22:33:00.002+08:00

Had fun today...was SNOOPIG outing again...
HAHA~~!
Went Orchard..wanted to catch a movie before goin for dinner..
However, there isn't any show to watch as both of us had watched before...
So no choice...went straight to Taka and went to get snoopig stuff...her belt..
Search for it at many shops but couldn't find the right one that suits her.....
Finally found one at ESpirit....bought it and went down to Clark Quay...
Shop for awhile...bought a Polo-T that was kinda of bright colors but kinda of love it....
If not too boring to see my cupboard full of Polo-Ts that is onli white color...LOL!!
No T-Shirts too...my cupboard is boring la...LOL...open onli see oso sian liao..
Need more T-shirts and colors man!!!

After that we had dinner at Warakura...My treat for snoopig as i promise her to treat her to congrat her on graduating!!
So ya...she bluff me -.-
Cheated my feelings....LOL!!
Say want to go toilet!! In the end went to Gobit ( was it spell lidat?) to buy mini cakes for me...
Was touched....Thank You Snoopig!! For all the things u done so far =)
But den i dun care still u muz turn up on Thurs....!!!!
UNDERSTOOD?!?!?!????!!!!!

Thanks Snoopig!!~~~!!! *Hugs*

2008-06-03T02:41:00.002+08:00

Today no work anymore...hahha!!
But however, i still go back to my company ther..LOL!! like cant bear rite but actually is take some stuff back cos i left it ther ytd and forgot to bring it back..
So i juz went back to collect it...LOL!!
Yupps...so ya...nth much today oso...juz got to prepare all e stuff needed to bring in to camp....

BORING!!!!!!!!!~~~~~~

hmm...well...speechless...

2008-06-02T02:18:00.002+08:00

Its my last day of work today..
I am so gona miss e time ther and the ppl i have met...
Time is reali so fast...
I rmb mysf was like agrhhh...can i get in this company to work...but after getting in i tot oh jialat long hair might not want me...i can rmb as if though juz happen not long...
Time reali is so fast......i have been in the company and worked ther for 2 yrs already..
Met alot of frens and ppl ard...
I was reali glad tt i could met them...its a fate tt brought us tog and worked tog....
All the help they gave me....the knowledge of japanese food...
I am very glad....to have such frens and boss....

Overall...I am happy working ther...Becos of NS i have to leave....
So after NS i will consider going back to help again...=)
Missing Them!!!

2008-06-01T03:02:00.002+08:00

Tired after a day of work ytd and chalet that a few of us didn't slp and went to catch a midnite movie instead...

After the chalet, went to look for a fren den followed by meeting snoopig for lunch!!
But she totally forgot!! how can sheeee......!
Btw i feel so pai seh...her mum = to my auntie, always treat me lunch or dinner de...very pai seh...but still thanks you! if not she will call me po po ma ma again -.- which many ppl call me po po ma ma oso LOL!!!

anyways...i m tired...tml still need to buy breakfast for WISMA!!

2008-05-29T14:27:00.002+08:00

Its been 2 day have not update as i wasn't feeling well the past 2 days....
Was havin a bad headache, bodyache..vomited and a slight stomache on e first day...
Tot i will be fine after getting some massage from my mom but din expect that i could slp at nite and kept on waking up as was feeling uncomfortable and finially i throw up...took some medincine thinking will be fine e nx day...
So i juz went to work without tinking whether m i okie...
As i reach my working place, i started to feel e pain in my stomach again....
Frens of mine was caring and concern abt it and told me to get some rest first since it is no busy at e moment...=)
Had some porrigde to keep my stomach filled....after eating, i feel muz better..but still they told me to get some rest....however, i still feel so bad...suppose to work but instead i was juz sitting at one corner...

Haiz was juz such a bad day....1.5 days lidat...damn sick!

2008-05-26T02:07:00.002+08:00

OKies!!
What to blog abt today??
There isn't much for me to blog oso for today..LOL!!
As i am always working and working..
So ya....ytd work...today work...tml work...e following day work...on and on working...till 1 june is my last day of work and get prepare for my army stuff...SUCK!!!!!!!!!!!

Guess everyone will be having a hard time after i left...
As in managing of the position cashier...LOL!!
Although ya...i m not gd at up stocking the stuff but the rest like cashing...dishing..etc etc.....ya..LOL!!!

Alrites nth much either that happen today..

2008-05-25T01:12:00.003+08:00

Alrites....today is another day of work...suppose to work till 5 or 6 but dragged further till abt 9.30pm...well..was super busy e whole afternoon and evening...till peak hour is stopped den can go...

Anyways...ya..been tinking of one ting...
Isn't it weird for e birthday guy or girl to be planning a dinner to celebrate his bday?
Okies whats on my mind is...i dun wana to celebrate at all...Reason?
Juz becos i wan to see hu reali rmb it and what are they gona do...
Thats my reason.....

Dun wish to say anymore...=( sad sad

2008-05-24T02:04:00.002+08:00

Today, my onli time working at Suntec..
Was kinda of lost today..
Feeling so Stranger ther...
Not familiar wif the places and how the operation of work is being done..
However, slowly got use to the table numbers and all...=)

After work, abt 1130 liao...
Slack ard ther till abt 1.30am or so...
Had lots of jokes and laughter wif my manager and 3 other working frens...
Jokes abt how indians communicate...
Abt this fren disturbing Suntec's sushi cheif (Steven)...
Damn disgusting e way she disturb him..LOL!!
Tot of it oso wan to vomit and laugh at e same time..
Damn funny...

Alrites...=)

Cheers!

2008-05-23T01:40:00.003+08:00

Alrites...i guess i did someting terrible today...
Someting i have nv done before...
Someting when i nv i will be doing it...
What is it?
Not gona tell.....
Feel kinda of bad also....well...
Nevermind!

Congrats to Snoopier!!
Finally officially graduated from poly...
Now is ur Degree!!!
Jia You!
2 more years onli!!
=)

2008-05-21T23:05:00.002+08:00

Its Snoopy outin again today...although is a short one...LOL!!
Suppose to meet her after work for dinner at DowntownEast...but then i had my dinner after working...and she had hers wif her fren before meeting me...so end up we nv had dinner tog...LOL!!
Been going out wif her often...if not no chance anymore when she is overseas already...=(

So, instead of dinner! We walked ard e new shopping mall called e E-hub...
Wasn't Big like Cini at Orchard...nth to walk or shop but i guess is onli e best place for those staying at East to catch a movie whether is midnight or not...=)

So we stop and sat at one place to rest and chit chat...however!! Snoopier wanted to play UNO!!
She claims she always win overall out of 5 rounds!!
But she lost to me today 5 to 3 LOL!!!!
Still dare to say will win always....Snooopig!!!

Did i mention?? My application for Air Force was not accepted?? But they try posting me to Fighter instead...haix...sian!!
Practically no mood to work at all today...Heart not focusing oso today=(

2008-05-21T02:03:00.002+08:00

Hmm...Finally graduate!!
LOL!!
The environment during the ceremony was reali reali like super She Bu De...
Everyone is in thier robe and all busy taking pictures here and ther...
But ME and a few special cases....nv attend but appear to collect e Cert.
Hahahaha!!
Slack ard in sch for few hours...and took a few picture wif jessica, kang wei...yupps...
And ya jessica finally got her hug from me -.-...
FINALLY RITE?? dots.....

Well after that, we to orchard wif Shi Jie to bring her see my PRETTY COUSIN (Snoopig)!
Had short conversation and both of them are tagging to disturb me!!
Damn them...!!! Eurereureuruerue!!!
Had lots of laughter and jokes...
However, Shi Jie got to go teach her tuition student...so ya she left before us...
After that we went Cathy to buy ticket for movie...and had dinner at Shuikudo!
Once again...my food was e last to served!!
They against me!!
After we entered "More Than Words".
Guess wad...Snoopig did?? She was playing Tigger wif Piglet and Snoopy!!
OMG!! LOL!! Should have watch her play man =P

Snoopig's mum treat!!
Thanks alot!!

Movie Title : Chocolate

Was damn cool and funny too....their stuns were all real...you can see e injure all of them had suffer throughout the show...tough job ah being a stunman....
After the show walked back to take a bus home...was the last bus...=p
And Snoopig best...use my lap as pillow!!
What will ur mama tink?? I oso duno wad to tell her when she turn ard and look..LOL!!!
But then no worries...i will be ther for you my snoopig cousin LOL!!!

Well then time to go sleep...Driving lessons again tml =(

2008-05-20T01:48:00.002+08:00

Tired Tired Tired!!
Long and tiring day today...=(
Snoopig!! Help me massage e next time u see me ah...=p

Anyways, tml is the Graduation Cermonmy...
By right, i am going..However, i changed my mind and decided not to go..cos i find it boring and not necessary to go, i guess...
Anyways will be goin tml but i m so not gona wear e Robe and all..LOL!!
At most wan to take pic! i borrow lor...LOL!!!
Hmm...tml is the day that ME, Stanley Ng Chuan Guan Aka Snoopig, Stacy, Stacyline etc etc...to be officially a grad from NYP to receive a Diploma!! LOL!!
So what?!
Still got so long way to go man...=P

Alrite Chill Guys !!! Cheers!!!

2008-05-19T01:12:00.003+08:00

Yea Yea....a long and tired day today ah... =(

Well...i was checking my mail today...
Guess wad?
I recieve an email from shi jie and it was abt killing babies and boiled them into soup..
Freaking damn Gross!!
Yuck!
Its damn cruel to babies where they are not even born out at all...
Fuck those China ppl man!!
Treating babies like some food?! WTF!!

Tml is Vesak Day...Gona be a tiring day again in the noon i guess...
Hmm...counting down...left wif onli like 1 week plus more to work and i shall take break and enjoy for short moment and prepare to get in to camp will my hair damn short!
Craps!!!

Shall end here today =)

2008-05-17T23:00:00.002+08:00

Well well...today went out my little pretty cute cousin aka Miss Angel <--(BHB)
LOL!!

Had lunch at sulperdog before we went ard to walk and catch a moive...

Supposingly, we are to meet up wif shi jie to celebrate her belated 20th birthday which happen onli ytd..LOL!!
But had a change of plan as shi jie wanted to have her dinner wif her dearest dad =)

Therefore, snoopies had caught a movie " Made Of Honours"
Was quite a nice show...funny too...esp e part where e grandma of Hanie wore the thunder beads that grew in the dark...

Before the movies, we had done some window shopping too...but still both of us bought a top..LOL!!
But the MAIN point of the window shopping is that...whatever nicknames my cousin gave me...coincidentally she found e shirt printings on it...so i was like -.-...
LOL!!

After that had dinner at Compass point...so sry that have to make her walk so much when her feets is painfully due to her unseason heels...=[
After which we headed back home after dinner and a small packet of HL milk!!

When abt to reached my block downstair, some resident had posted a poster on the wall that someone or somebody has been abusing cats and even killed them...they had pictures of the abused cats and was so cruelsome to them...

Well well......time to bathe...!! Ciao!

2008-05-17T04:59:00.002+08:00

Hmm..got back home late today..
Well did someting that i wasn't suppose to be doin actually..but den juz feel like doin it...
Had quite a night today or shd i say ytd cos is already 5am...
Finish work..as usual..and then went somewher to meet a fren...had lots of fun but still....welll....you know its LaTE! =X

I duno how will be things like after i had enter camp...
How will be my lifestyle be??
I will no longer be working at Koh Grill & Sushi Bar...
Working and wasting my time ther...

Most of the time i m not at home at all....doesn't reali have e sense of belong at home...
But however, still its a home where i will comfortable wif wheneva i reach back home...=)
Contradicting ah?

Actually, i wish i could able to earn lots of money soon...
So i am able to shift out to stay on my own...
But yet i still wana support my mom....
Giving her a better life...as life is reali hard for us due to my dad....
hmm..better not stay bringing up things...

Its time for bed now...if not i will not be able to wake up in time to meet my snoopig cousin!! =p

2008-05-14T00:09:00.002+08:00

PIGGUUUUU~~~!!!

An off day today, special to watch Ai Yong Man wif my snoopy cousin! =P
Hahaha!! she has become my movie Kaki! =p
But then, without fail she kept on disturbing me ah!!
SNOOPPY!!!

Anyway, Ai Yong Man super way cool. Love the show =)
Well, we walked ard J8 today after the show and dinner at Cathy Cartel as my fren(Benjamin) was working there..so ya sort of visit him..LOL!
J8 wasn't that big mall to shop or walk ard...but once a while is okie to go other places otherwise always going to Orchard is boring already for me...=P
Hmm....send that pigggg home after a trip of bus home...still wan me to piggyback=.=
I have no idea since when i owe her piggybacks -.-..
Wasn't supposingly Pigg ask chong to piggyback first??
How come become me owe her piggybacks??
Never the mind, she always bully her cousin --> ME!!

Anyways, gona watch my TV drama =X
TV freak --> ME

Ciao~~~~

2008-05-10T10:01:00.002+08:00

Well well...couldn't post it ytd night, therefore posting it now =)

Basically, juz tired but soon couldn't feel e same any longer.
Because!!!!!! I am Enter THE ARMY!!!!!!!! Darn!
Haha...cousin of my shd be laughing now as goin botak!
I am not too sure am i able to sent her off for her oversea studies...hmm =(

2008-05-09T02:54:00.002+08:00

*Being Alone!*

Yupps, second post for the day...
Changed blogskin yesterday, but have not added songs..too lazy to add...=X

Well..as usual...work was alrite...much more fun and not so boring compared to last time due to the change of Sushi chief. Gonna leave the place soon..yupps kinda of She Bu De..but then maybe after 2 yrs time i gonna join back? but wad position will i be working as? Same as now or high??

hmmm.....gonna sleep le..kinda of tired...ciao

2008-05-08T01:12:00.002+08:00

Alrights...

Its been a super duper long while that i even enter here to even type a NEW POST..
Well, who triggered me to blog again?
Of Cause is my cute little irritating cousin!
Well she is gonna leave soon for her further studies...so ya...
Well well...snoopier i know you will read this...

Apparently, i did something very foolish and stupid whenever i come to think of it..
Even i couldn't understand why it could happen this way??
I do not dare to voice it out to anyone yet...cause i find it too weird to ask or even tell anyone..
Seriously, was it because lack of care, love or is it purely really that way...

In about few more weeks gonna be my 21th birthday...
But, i don't i am celebrating with a big group as its too late to book a chalet or BBQ pit...
So i might just celebrate with small groups...
But But!!
I am so poor at planning all these...plus i don't have any time for it...
Work Work Work.......too many other problems to be thinking of too...=(
*Sigh*

Well then, guess i end for today =)

2007-08-11T01:05:00.000+08:00

okies finally a new post of update....duno wad sure wad to post but den exams comin soon...working will sure be lesser...company need more helpers...so i m trying to help my manager to find some...yupp..anyway...after exams i goin straight for attachment which is someting i dun wan...haha i rather go for FYP first...cos still need to go back sch and tink so hard on wad to do these and that...boring....haix...anyway nth reali have been happening lately...juz playing more games and watch of hong kong drama which i have watched many times le...hahaha..ain't i bored of it??

oh ya...oso made a few new frens from sec sch huh?? juniors...hahaha all are frens of my youngest bro...weird huh?? glad to get to koe them...so now my hp is less quieter le..hahaha...wondering why...during secondary...everyone juz cant wait to leave their sch so much...but once graduated from ther...u juz cant wait to get back to sec sch again?? why is it so huh?? anyway cant be bothered...cos i m graduating soon too in poly...and den ta ta ta da!!! ARMY here i come...!!!! darn...my hair is gona be gone soon!!! MY LOVE DEAREST HAIR!!!! hahahaha!!!

btw....alanda if u happen to read tiz post...would u kindly help me ask sherlyn when is she goin to return me ? or tell her to contact me...yupp...its kind of long le...yea...wan to koe wad ting...hahaha easy!! GOT ur hp le ma?? sms me tt u have ur HP !!! hahaha take care alll....

2007-07-05T16:04:00.000+08:00

Create your own Friend Test here

okies guys tt visit by blog...tis i how i koe whether hu got read my blog anot...hahahha...kindly help me do the test for me okies?see how much u koe abt me thx alot guys =)

2007-06-26T00:38:00.001+08:00

Pardon me for not updating and uploadin pics of cos...but for those wan to see can go my frenster link to view...LOL easier rite...so ma fan upload here...frenster can see liao...hahaha anyway finished my FIRST PAPER for e semster...still having another on wed...SUX man...today's was like...WTH lor...studied all for Wafer but den came out those that i din not rmb and plus i forgot some when to use the formula...haix...sian... dun wan to tok abt it liao....over le...

another ting was I FAILED MY FTT FOR 2 TIMES LIAO~!!! sickening man....haix...irriating ah...IDIOT~!!! i dun even koe how i failed n where go wrong...-.- and today.....a fren of mine told me she pass FTT within 10 mins onli ....WTH lor...too clever le she....hahaha...got to wait for 2 mths lidat den can take test again...haix....sux man...dun wan to fail 3 times ah....ARGGGGHHH....!!!

Shi Jie sry again...for not knowin that u din wan others to koe ur link...so i already remove urs n put some where liao...see can find anot...hahahaha....having "fun" during attachment rite?? getting paid 550 for doin much...hahahaha...anyway do take care okies....and rmb that last yr i said wanted to cook fish porrigde for u?? LOL dun tink u rmb le rite...hahahaha

i onli left wif 1 day to study for PE and i m not studying juz now and now...cos i m so addicted to anime...LOL...~!!! GAME and ANIME i will choose which?? ANIME ba...hahaha....k i shall go watch now....Take care guys~!!

2007-06-12T03:01:00.000+08:00

hey there,

hmmm...i duno what shd i say today..but practically was been touched for wad my secondary frens had done for me today although my birthday had pass for like 6 days already...yupp they gave me a suprise which i reali had no idea...i juz tot was juz a normal gathering for us once again like we use too...gotten me presents...shdn't have...have the tots is enuff already...i appreicate it alot guys thanks~!! still bought a small tiny ultra-man cake....was cute...haha...and we were like soo full liao le...luckily was a small one...otherwise gona waste the cake...although was full i dun wish to waste it....so juz eat it up all slowly...

Had steamboat today at mount faber...was lovely nite...view was nice but however we did not manage to sit outside to have steamboat...supposely i ask jess along but she cant make it due to her refreeing for e 3 on 3.... hmm...what else to say? oh ya, takin of pics =.=... the part i din like cos i dun like takin pics as i look so werid, ugly n ghastly....juz duno how to smile or pose in front of cams....seriously~!! eh....i koe i gona die after writing that sentence cos JESS WILL KILL ME ~!! hahaha.....Right Jess??

hmm.....i will update load e pics some other time after my fren's sis had sent it to me one of these days....=) thanks guys for wad u had done for me today...reali thanks....u guys make me happy~!!!
~Good Night~

2007-06-07T00:36:00.000+08:00

yupp i am 20 years old already~!!! no more starts wif e digit ONE...well a bored n lonely bday tiz yr but howeva is still e same as every yr...actually i have alot to tok abt...but i am juz too tired le...mind is tired so i my body....practically i m "over-heated". In short, i need care and love from frens which i dun reali have much......or mayb a few like jess....Juz who are my frens??

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~bye~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lonely?

2007-05-21T01:40:00.000+08:00

*SORRY*

To anyone that wanted to read my blog but i happen not to update often at all...basically is because ya...still the same reasons...as i have qouted my life.........

"A World That Only Lives A Human Being. I Am No Diffenence From That Human Being".

Why do i said so? Nobody knows onli me =)...All the time i been thinking do i have reali have REAL friends?? Why is all my friends been like they have plans for some outing like watchin a movie or have a eating session and me not knowing anyting till the last last last min on the day itself and they will be askin : "Want to join anot!" Is this the way it should be?? Me being the last to know? Do they guys know how irriating it is? thats why i rather choose to be a quiet guy...or say i m one? thats y all tings turn out to be like this?? izt? All these while i been already tired of this le...always see others havin a grp of frens always tog...sharing almost everything? while i am alone sharing to myself and me....also i m always trying to force mysf to laugh at something they said that to them it seems funny but to me is not...juz to go along wif them......i am tired le~~~~

Anyway or so life has been tough for me ever since young?? whose life ain't tough?? i am still thinking whats the purpose of my existance in this world? what will be like if i am dead?? All these stupid thoughts goin through my mind everytime without fail....

Anyway ya...i have been again somehow fall this girl again...wishing that will always bump into her in school...wondering wad time will she end class...will bump into her whether be goin to school or end school...but of cos i onli can secretly like her...cos i know she ain't the guy she is looking for although once she used to like me...but now everything is different le...=( onli can wish for her the best lor....thats what i always do when i fall for someone...hahas...

Its kinda of long rite?? hahas...On purpose?? Cos been a LONG LONG LONG LONG LONG LONG LONG TIME that i update...So ya...type kinda of long so NO ONE WILL read? Cos will bored who ever that reads...wahahaha....My company open a new outlet at Suntec City which is located at the Convention Centre...The place looks like a library...cos of the wallpaper deco...however~!~~!!! THE UNIFORM THERE FOR ALL WERE SO HIGH CLASS!!! i am so jealous...all look so cool in it...espcially all the clean plate worker...NOTE: Its not AUNTIE!!! All young workers in suits n dressess!!! its like in the hotel wif the bellboys...however business there is kinda of bad of a start...mayb due to not much people koe? yupps...both my managers have been askin me izt i will be joinin them after my National Service? Still considering becos of the workin hours and pay of cos...hahaha~!! okies okies i stop le....if not will be damn damn long post...haha...hope those readers wun blame me =(

Well then....Take Care~~!!

Tired!

2007-03-31T02:21:00.000+08:00

sry everyone that trying to read my blog but i din update...sry abt tt...but den i tink i say sry to no one la...cos i dun tink anyone do reali read those post...yea...

anyway...its been a long long time since i even update...since last day of CNY?? haha...i apologise..yupps...did some meet up wif a couple of my sec sch juniors...ESP KW!!! -.-...always the one that i PS most of the time wen i promise to make it back to sch to visit all of them...haha...but i did met up wif her last wk...haha...was toking lots of crap wif her...but den i tink its too boring for her to tok to me...cos i m a boring person....rite anot??

some tings reali bother me many times...cos i duno izt heaven makin a spot of me or wad??well practically..my manager had been always asking me e same qns over n over again since e first day of work i am working at WISMA!! guess wad was the qns?? MANAGER: How come you got no girlfren?? well...actually is not i dun wan to have one...but den...juz tt fate is not ther? i used to like tiz gir and vice versa but den tink both of us did not express to each other?? so end up not being tog...n also..at tt moment i tink she was wif a guy tt she doesnt like or duno wad reasons for her being wif him..but den now i like tiz girl...but she is like...duno....we being as frens?? ya...and of cos i wun dare to like tell her say "do you koe tt i like u for quite some time??" how will she react?? anyway....fate is juz not ther...i do wish to have a girlfren...but den....i koe how tings will become....alonesome me....

another ting...!!!! I AM SO FREAKING FUCKING TULAN WIF MY SUSHI CHIEF!!!! HE IS A DAMN BLOODY FUCKER CI BAI KIA!!! SO WHAT HE IS E CHIEF OF E COMPANY...BIG FUCK!! HE HIMSF IS AN EMPOLYEE...SO AM I...SO WAD GIVE HIM E BIG FUCK TO CALL ME KOPI QIE....HE IS SO FUCKING HELL....NO WONDER NO GIRLFREN AT ALL...COS HE IS A FUCKER...N CUSTOMERS GAVE HIM A SOCK FOR CHRISTMAS....WHY??!!! TO ASK HIM TO PULL UP HIS SOCK MAN....ASSHOLE DUDE!! IF I KOE HOW TO DO SUSHI N SASHIMI I FUCK U DOWN AH!!! KNN!!! HU E FUCK GAVE U THE RIGHT TO SCOLD PPL NAMES!! NO ONE LIKES U MAN...JUZ IN CASE U DUN KOE TT ASSHOLE!!! PPL THAT TREAT U AS FRENS ARE ALL MORONS.....BIG FUCKER!!!!! TU LEI LO MO HUM KA CHAN!!!

okies....enuff of typing....guess i get some slp le....working throughout for one mth!!... haix....life is boring for me!!! Cya den

2007-02-24T03:02:00.000+08:00

*Disappear*

Boo??

CNY has pass a few days....as usual e CNY qi fen is not ther like last e time we were young and playful...a new yr has begin...all things will change...life still goes on...whether be it be good or bad...yupps...

Exams are starting nx week...i been slack quite alot...used to or do i have a study grp/ parteners...not sure...well cant reali study at home...will get distracted by my computer and TV at home...wanted to study out...but ALONE....jus dun like that...tryin to find someone but cant seems to find someone...after a weeks or so...holidays will began to start...tiz is wher e period of me having less slp and more work....resulted no meetin up wif frens for any session or gatherin i guess....sigh....anyway will be studying tml....hope to find someone to study wif.......lastly wishing a happy birthday to jessica....=)

Till den....Wahalios <-----Spelled correctly?? hahas...

Twinkle Twinkle Little Stars??? Am i seeing Stars Jia hui can u tell me....hahaha...

2007-02-16T15:22:00.000+08:00

*Disappear*

hmm...kind of weird for me to say tiz here...cos i nv told anyone abt tiz...therefore those read tiz post shall koe...but of cos i wun koe hu are they whom actually do read my post...

okies...here it goes...i recently attracted a ger from wisma...she is someone older den me...and oso married not long ago...she is abt 20 odd...yupps...tts wad she hersf and her cousin whom is my manager's girlfriend...felt kinda of weird u see...first time it happen...juz becos that day i was walkin towards to e toilet and e wind juz blew..and my hair was like piao like...got e...i duno wad is it call...juz some time tt she say makes me very cool n handsome i was like O.0....well till now she still say tt...and of cos she treat me as her " lover".........werid huh?? actually many tings had happen...juz that i duno hu to look for n tell to.....

well i am off to bath and eat lunch or tea snack?? i duno....lunch and dinner always come tog for me...and i m off to book my advance theory...shd i take car or bike 1st??? hmmmm.....

Ja nie

2007-02-13T01:28:00.000+08:00

yup another month had past....3 mths or so....but still...yup...sorry...i dun even koe how to pass the X-mas present to her...yupp...i duno whether my blog are still read by them...but yupp i miss them alot...but den...too little too late....i can nv get over it...cos yup i m hurt still....by e words and action made...Life of mine?? Life is always changing at every point of time....do take care....tiz will bethe last time me saying goodbye to both of u.....Happy Valatine Day to both of u....have an enjoyable and memoria day...Cheers =)

Chris Brown : Say Goodbye
Baby come here and sit down, let's talk i got a lot to say so i guess i'll start by saying that i love you, but you know, this thing ain't been no walk in the park for us i swear it'll only take a minute you'll understand when i finish, yeah and i don't wanna see you cry but i don't wanna be the one to tell you a lie so

(hook)
How do you let it go? when you,you just don't know? what's on,the other side of the door when you're walking out, talk about it everything i tried to remember to say just went out my head so i'ma do the best i can to get you to understand
(chorus)
there's never a right time to say goodbye but i gotta make the first move 'cause if i don't you gonna start hating me cause i really don't feel the way i once felt about you girl it's not you, it's me i gotta gotta figure out what i need there's never a right time to say goodbyebut we know that we gotta go our separate ways and i know it's hard but i gotta do it,and it's killing me cause there's never a right time right time to say goodbye
but now your heart is breaking and a thousand times i found myself asking, "why? why?"why am i taking so long to say this? but trust me, girl i never meant to crush your world and i never though i would see the day we grew apart and i wanna know
(hook)
how do you let it go? when you,you just don't know? what's on,the other side of the doorwhen you're walking out, talk about it girl i hope you understand what i'm trying to say.We just can't go on pretending that we get along girl how you not gonna see it?
(chorus)
there's never a right time to say goodbyebut i gotta make the first move 'cause if i don't you gonna start hating me cause i really don't feel the way i once felt about you girl it's not you it's me. i gotta gotta figure out what i need there's never a right time to say goodbye but we know that we gotta go our separate ways and i know it's hard but i gotta do it,and it's killing me cause there's never a right time right time to say goodbye
listen to your heart girl you know,we should be apart, baby ii just can't do it i, i just can't do it listen to your heart girl you know,we should be apart, baby ii just can't do it and sometimes it makes me wanna cry ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh do you hear me crying?
(chorus)
there's never a right time to say goodbye but i gotta make the first move 'cause if i don't you gonna start hating me cause i really don't feel the way i once felt about you girl it's not you it's me. i gotta gotta figure out what i need there's never a right time to say goodbye but we know that we gotta go our separate ways and i know it's hard but i gotta do it,and it's killing me cause there's never a right time right time to say goodbye
(chorus)
there's never a right time to say goodbye but i gotta make the first move 'cause if i don't you gonna start hating me cause i really don't feel the way i once felt about you girl it's not you it's me. i gotta gotta figure out what i need there's never a right time to say goodbye but we know that we gotta go our separate waysand i know it's hard but i gotta do it,and it's killing me cause there's never a right timer ight time to say goodbye

2007-02-02T00:55:00.000+08:00

*Disappear*

sometimes see them havin fun and all makes me so left out....well...guess that wad my life is short of....can guess what is missing in my life even i do have frens ard me or do i have frens???

working at Bukit Timah ther tml after sch...sian...there isn't any mood for me to do anyting...can someone help?? i am having sleepless nights.....

2007-01-22T01:47:00.000+08:00

*Disappear*

yup i am bored...

yup i am sian...

yup i am alone...

yup i am can't describe my tots...

yup i wish i had super-natrual powers...

yup i am thinkin y i have a life like that

yup i wish i was born abnormal...

yup i am dreaming...

yup that's life...

Cheers...!!

2007-01-17T21:58:00.000+08:00

juz went to cut my hair kinda of shorter den i used to have before i cut...mine hairdresser told me she cut e style tt is for ger i was like o.0.... but now i felt my hair n head lighter and not so warm as before...but of cos i din not cut my favourite precious tail of mine...cos tt is e onli long part of mine hair i have and plus many many memories...

well...last time i used to like Wed...cos was e earlier day of our sch day to release and we get to do wad we like after that...like window shopping...sports...or juz hang ard somewher in sch or outside juz to pass our time...however...since den...i dun reali like Weds...cos was e earlier day to release and is e most loneliest time to be...cos is not e same...well now since they got both of them to accompany them le...i guess...well yup...juz let go...if they are happy this way..den i be wad i be now...

wads the point of gnissim meth....

have anyone ever wonder y are we given a life of our own?? i duno how to put in words or describe it...how it feels and all...different people have different types and kind of life we goin through...some is given birth wif a silver spoon...some dun...while some is average...how abt u guys?? mine..?? i guess those i told dem abt mine they shd koe mine...but...thats life...what choice do we have?? being rich or poor is oso at a disadvantage...rich...?? relatives or ur slibngs will try to snatch it from u...poor..?? cant afford to have all 3 meals...cant do someting they like...and end up having robbery cases or murdering someone for money...thats e cycle of life... yi he guo...guess everyone have or did heard before... in english is called karma...do any one believe in such ting?? well i tink i do....i guess....how i wish my grandma is still alive....i miss her so much....!!
Cheers~!

*Disappear*

2007-01-15T23:18:00.000+08:00

after so long i finally update...due to e packed timetable i have wif mine life...i dun have enough time to slp or rest well...yupp...sch started...tings was going alrite i guess...den e following wk juz turn out like F***.....thx!! thx to the F***** teacher....is he a saddist or wad??? he will be happy after a specifc student got his punishment....den he will feel happy izt?? is someting wrong wif their mindset?? wad year is it now??? its 2007 already...y is tiz old fashion tinking still goin on?? wads wif guys keeping long hair....?? hey...i paid sch fees to study and not let u lecturers come n catch me wif long hair dude....wad does my hair got to do wif mine studies....is reputation tt all sch care abt??? that is freaking lame...i reali duno what else to say or do man....all such lecturer is makin a student not goin to sch...and resulted students getting de-bar cos of not goin to sch....cos of such teacher...u get wad i mean??

beside tiz...tings btw me and dem...the same i guess....now is him ard dem...i tink i guess yup i koe...well all is my fault whose else can i blame....I am TIRED OF EVERYTHING....i wan to share wif someone...but i cant find that someone!! although i used to have 2 of them...but now i lost 2 of them....

LIFE PEOPLE COME AND GO

2007-01-07T01:41:00.000+08:00

well juz wana say...e sky today is clear...e moon is so bright...e stars are all twinling so brightly and lonely...juz like me...e moon although is not full moon yet...but it is reali bright and beautiful..which remind me of many tings happen throughout my life....Moon have e company of all the shiny twinling stars....how i wish i could fly and reach it.......

Good Night Mr Moon and Mr Stars~!! Cheers!!

2007-01-04T22:39:00.000+08:00

yes sch started...for 2 days le...tings has been e same for e 2 days...or say a month plus...well i tink tngs will be lidat till duno when...will be different juz different....i duno wad else want to blog....but ther is alot of tings inside me...but i cant juz share them...cos i duno hu shd i share wif....haix...ciaoz

2007-01-04T00:21:00.000+08:00

thx for e gift i have recif...i appreciate tt....take care !!

2007-01-02T22:14:00.000+08:00

its a NEW YEAR already....juz lidat...one year juz pass by....thoughout the year many tings happen...what comes must go...was MIA for four days....juz came home onli today.... had some peace over ther....juz relax and let the flow go...was freezin cold ther...till i was shivering...a new year a new beginning....a pig year tiz year....that reminds me of my grandma....haix....i duno wad to blog on le....i dun even koe whether will i continue to blog...i miss dem so much...but ther is nth goin to be e same again....i juz koe....

FAREWELL!!!

2006-12-30T09:08:00.000+08:00

There

Words

Describe

How

Feeling

Now...

izjuzzfeelzizdunzhavezanyzfrenszatzall....

2006-12-25T02:53:00.000+08:00

well today is a very tiring and packed day...e whole place was like filled wif ppls but not eating much....juz roamin abt at e whole food republic making the place hard to walk and work...thats y i dun like working ther but however...e person working wif me ther is all so friendly and kind...thats y i cant bear to say " I QUIT "... haha....cos wo hen jun zhong gan jing....well we had countdown...everyone was like spraying e ....i duno wad u call that...hahas...but it was fun....was forced to wear e cowboy hat....made of plastic...haha..had quite a great feast...but was too shy to have more...

today was juz having mixed feelings....feeling that words are unable to describe how i feel..to me christmas is always a sad day....juz sad...dun reali have any happy memories during christmas...although it is onli once in a yr...its a day that you celebrate wif e ones that u love ba..i hope jess likes the present...although is not being wrapped up to let u tear it...but i koe she will cos its what she wanted long ago le..and i m sry jess for not able to meet up wif u for e time being..reali sry...like i told you y le.....yupps..Sorry!! and for A...i guess got to put wif me for some time...yupp..duno how abt to pass to A....well i guess its better for me to get some slp...too tired to tink....mind and heart is empty....everyting empty...!!! take care all....

Merry Christmas !!!

Cheers!!!

PS: Why why Singapore NO SNOW!!!!

2006-12-23T22:32:00.000+08:00

juz came home from mirri's family chalet..like to thx her for inviting me over time n time again since met her..but i always turn her down...so sry...n finally i tink i shd at least go...otherwise i will feel bad for her asking me once again n i turned her down...yupps...was alrite....e chicken grilled until chacocol black oso e meat not cooked cos of e heat is too big n very fast turn black but not cooked yet...so nv reali eat much...e best ting was e sambal chilli...!! wif stingray...!!! but den e stingray is so hard to cut n eat...so...nv eat much T_T... had some red wine oso...was okie...nv drink much cos i dun reali like wine u see...she poured for me half a cup end up i was drinking abt half or so...den chun ther slip slip slip for me...den gone...no more le...had a SAKE at home wif me...meant to keep n drink again tog wif e both of dem..but den...guess doesnt have e chance anymore to be doin tt again like e last time...anyway...nx wk is B7's chalet...bring tt to share ba...i duno...afraid to drink cos i m afraid to spout nonsense without me knowing what is goin on....sometimes reali feel that being a baby is still e best...no trouble or wadeva...and my dad....fuck off asshole...i duno what kind of father m i having...a father tt onli give us problems and more problems...cant u juz do e right ting...whateva u had done had juz disgrace to us...makin my mum hard to face all her brothers and sisters....u asshole....do u koe how to be a man!! do u koe how to be a father...!!! fucker!!! i dun wish to scold u fucker or wad...is u making me doing tiz...time n time again...u duno how tink...and u gave us shitty life...!!! a life full of misery and shame...get it...!! done !!!

Its EVE tml...i wish every one a merry christmas!!

Best wishes!!

Love You All!!

CHEERS!!!

2006-12-23T17:22:00.000+08:00

i dreamt of her ytd nite or say tiz morning..cos i slept at abt 5+ goin to 6 lidat...tt is e kind of feeling i always wanted since it happen..i was happy...but...i duno how to express it...well life !!! finally watched e high school music...was cool n nice...i onli think western schools are able to happy like that...aisa??? nah...dun tink so....well i reali hope mine would be lidat....cheers!!!

2006-12-23T04:08:00.000+08:00

idunowadihavepostmayhavebeenmisleadingsometimes...irealirealidunowadtosayle...idunowhatim gonasayordoor explainor wadeva..irealiduno...tiziseonliplaceicansayallmy problems.....2yrsdown eroad...tizishowuseeme...yesi koenthisgointobeesame..it willbelikeuandhimthecase...iacceptthat...iswallowedthefact...ikeepingafalsesmilestilleventhoughall the..everydayimtryingtobehappy...irealiduno....dunodunodunoduno....evenwanttotoktou...msgutaggedu...i evenhavetotinkshdi ??willimakeuunhappywenidott...onesaying...losingabestfrenisworstthatlosingalover...iosoduno....nowdun evenkoehutolookfor....evenatnighthavingsleeplessnight...notjustcosofyou...ihaveother problemstoo....buthushditalktoo!!everyonehastheirownburden...idunwantoaddon...yiratherkeepittomysfdensharing....cosikoe...sometinglike thiswilleventually happen...toothersitmayseemsasmallminorting...buthey..lookhumans...itsnaturallytofeeltizwaywenmysf feelsoinferiortoothers...hudoesn'tfeelthatway...isnoti dunwishtohelpmysf...isjuzbeingnormal...ikoesayingallthesedoesn'thelpanytingatall...butyBableto understandwhatiamfeelingwhileAdun..weareallhumans....humanshavefeelings....feelingsare sometingthatisverysenstitiveandwecantcontrolthem...infactifeelthatihavenofrensatalthatisabletoshare anytingwiftillimetbothofu....believeitornot...ikoeimaynotbeagdfren...butimtryingallminebesttobeone...but ifeelsoinferior...irealidunoalready.....imverytired.imsickyetiforcedmysftoworkevenikoeimsick...yesiamspoutingnonsenseagain...butlife.........tiz isminelife...idowanasimplelife...alieftohavebestfrenstobeard....yesimissu..yesimissetime3ofustog...yesimissulaughther...yesi missyourvoice...yesimissyour"boxyouar"...yesi missyou!!butwhatseuse...ikoewhenureadtizuwillstarttofeelupsetagainandallsorry......alliwantodoisjuztoamketingsriteagainwifmylovedones....lifeisnoteasy...truely

2006-12-21T03:31:00.000+08:00

Here is mine horoscope
for Tuesday, December 19:

You're about to rewrite a chapter in your own personal book of destiny. Go easy on yourself as you sort out what plot points go where and who makes it as a major character. Rough drafts (and mistakes) are allowed!

after all these yrs....now i koe one ting...tiz is how strong our relationship btw us..all the times we been thru and all...this is wad is the outcome after all these...tiz is e outcome of wad u wan..and u wan it happens again...wan it me don't wan to koe...and for me to duno and not for me to koe....i won't koe and i duno....i trying and trying and still trying...but still e same ting happen again after another yr...although it mayb different from that yr....but this wad u are doing and its e same ting again...sometimes i do reali wonder....reali wonder....reali reali wonder...asking me not to look back...but den...have u ever tot of y do i wan to try saving it....do u even koe y i am like that....have you!! yes is my problem...and will be mine for life....life is tough...life is all about learning...life is all about joy and pain...there will always be a sunshine after a heavy thunder storm...but tiz time wad i see is a none stop thunder storm...a storm tt will continue and will be like tiz till one day u reali understand y am i like tiz...fine!! i have nothing to say anymore...u got them that all matters if you are happy....thats it!!

2006-12-14T23:07:00.000+08:00

a day without doin much...it seems so boring and restless...didn't reali study much at all..but juz stay put at home...not tinking of aniting but juz watched TV and juz walking ard the house...which is boring...fon also been silent....too quiet....in fact everyday i have alot to say...but den i juz forget whateva i wanted to blog in...was raining heavily today...i was like....haix....wheneva it rains i will tot of many ppl....wan to go out and let the rain all pour on to me......gettin me drench wet....how nice n cooling...tml is going to be last paper....end early oso....duno wad m i going to do after that...

a fren of mine said tiz..."love is abt distance n not regularity" it seems so chim but kind of true...sometimes it's so near yet so far...life is fair n oso unfair...it has its ups n downs at certain point of time....in life ther are many ordeals to go through...got to have e determination to live to e fullest is e key to sucess...besides determination...time is also e key factor....i have been through many ordeals again n again...after another comes another...and now i am having 2 diffcult ordeals to go through...one was my family...which has been dragging for nearly 3 years...and its not trying to get it solve or getting any better....another...i guess any one will koe if you had been reading my previous post...well....wad done is done....i cant do aniting to change it...life has to move on...its juz another beginninng....from the newspaper today i read...ther is this author that wrote a few books n it has very good response....all his books was interesting such that i wanted to find for those books...which means its my first time having interest in books...the author of the book was Mitch Albom...the titles of his books were "For One More ", " Tueday With Morrie", " The Five People You Met In Heaven"....these 3 were the titles of the books...so if anyone has e book...please let me koe...i would like to borrow!!! hahas...well guess i wrote more den enough and i can't tink of any more tings to blog...well den.....cheers!!

2006-12-14T18:12:00.000+08:00

My horoscope

While it may be difficult at first, speaking honestly to one another and putting aside any impulse to wound or hurt is the only thing that can help heal this rift. Otherwise it may worsen, and that would be a shame.

2006-12-14T00:06:00.000+08:00

i dun have much to say...yes i am a person hu always will look back tinking of why tiz and why that...yes i admit that....when i lost someone or someting that matters alot to me i will keep doing that...and need time to forget... yes is hard....and i tryin hard...who wants to be sad always...i am also human...i have feelings n emotions...they are the hardest for me to control....yes i am emotional...fragile..i am not what everyone tinks i am...i am not strong....i have weak controllability....i not clever...i duno how to tink before i say or do.....now i m juz one weakling that has fallen....trying to stand but hard...cos e fall was too hard...becos of all these i m goin to numb mysf by working my out....cos tt will be time i dun have time to do anyting...dun mention abt tinking of anyting....juz lidat....the matter has be 20 days which means 1200mins also 72000 sec....tiz year christmas again gone....another year of christmas celebrating wif XXXX.......get it..!! all of you guys enjoy ur christmas !!!! i koe fri is going to be e last paper and its holiday....and 2 wks later sch reopen....which i dun reali wish for that to happen...!!

to jess

all i say to u now is sry...i koe i been a nusiance to you....sry to bother you will all these nonsenses all these while...i koe you are tired of it...even u nv tell me i will koe that...thats y now tings has become lidat....tings is not easy as wad u mean tink...you can nv tell what another person is feeling real right deep inside....you may say put ursf into my shoes....u will understand...but e truth is that different person have diff tinking....thats y humans are funny...cos all of them tink differently...i appericate for all the tings u have done....but now...wad i can do now is juz leave u and everyting will change....its not e same anymore...u may say we cant predict the future but look forward to the change in future...for that i not sure...reali i m already very tired....is a plain piece of paper is i waiting to be written....i duno wad i m writing now....just sorry !!! i won't mention any more concerning abt tt anymore so ya...dun worry...i won't remind you of it again..

2006-12-12T02:18:00.000+08:00

well....today had my day studying in school throughout... till 6+ and i look at the sky...it was dark and there were thunders "ROARING"... first thing came into my mind was her....cause i know she is afraid of thunder and lighting..and don't think she will be at home too...but...well.....hahas...yupps...

actually walking in the rain was fun....however, when you got a slippery slipper...its damn hard to walk properly but to take small and careful steps...it did rain heavily...and i was thinking of walking in the rain...but nope...i didn't....cause had to study for tml's paper....and it wasn't time for me to go home also...in fact i don't feel like goin home....but still in the end reached home at about 9 cos accompanied robin to have his dinner....and i am not having dinner yet till now....hahas no wei kou leh....can't seem to eat much nowdays...my friends said i have shou xia le....i tink so too ba....yup...trying to get my appetite back...like now i am hungry but no food to eat...

juz now was juz browsing through all her pass written blogs...and realize...actaully time passes very quickly...its been already nearly 2 years in poly le...so many things happen without us noticing it...the time we had our first quarrel was also during the Dec period.... and once again...my christmas day is gone again....for 3 years....i didn't celebrate christmas with my fren wif joy...=) this year is going to be another year of the same ting....is every ting pre-destined??

there is too many whys in life le....i am juz tinking of the impossibilties...like why i don't have a white and beautiful wing behind my back....or else i would be flapping it everytime just to take flight of the ground... why did i choose this blog skin..?? cos i felt that the boy is juz like me....reader you may or may not understand....well thats for me to know and for you to find out...the galaxy is too huge and far for humans to explore....there are too many undiscovered things or creature in the whole galaxy/ universal...how long will this planet last till?? what will it be like after few thousands year later???

i did promise jess ytd that one day we should just have a nice chat about everyting....as in face to face and not through smses or mail or blogs...why?? cos messages doesn't have feelings in it...words are juz onli words...it doesn't give any feeling at all....hahas...=) so i guess one day we will be meeting somewhere around the Earth.... to tok about anyting under the sky.....

well i don't know why am i talking about all these today....well i love to go to space...i want to explore the galaxy but the world at least is the most possible...hahas....i love the sky....i love the stars...i love the moon...i love the clouds...i love anything that is far far away from my reach....

take care guys...i'm off to sleep!! NIGHTS !!

2006-12-11T01:33:00.000+08:00

It takes a minute to find a speical person

an hour to appreciate them

a day to love them

but an entire life to forget them

this to let my frens that i care to koe that i cherish them..every bit of time i spent wif them..they are not forgetten at any time...i will be there for them whenever they needed me...without them my life will not be so colourful and joyful...

because of them my life is completed with all the laughter and saddniess we shared togther.. i love all my frens....

i am sorry for being so stupid , nonsensical , foolish...i deeply apologise...!!!! SORRY MY FRENS!!!

i guess i somehow got enlighten up by many tings today...a very special thx to her , jessica , fyon and yuan...i will not be e same person anymore....=)

take care my frens!

2006-12-07T23:28:00.000+08:00

yupps...once again...a terrible day for me...having to hide all my feelings inside me...see her toking to everyone happily but me...n not say tok...even sat beside oso dun wish to....guess she wants to make a clean break wif me?? many negatives tot today..but somehow i did wad i promised....not to tink of e negative side n try to tink positive...yes i did it somehow...but e feeling was terrible e whole day....cos of her....since morning....my heart...chest...ther is tiz pain ther is like pounding on me veery hard...making me hard to breathe....seriously tiz is e FIRST TIME i had tiz feeling...feeling of crying uncontrollablily....having wantin to leave e place without letting dem koe...all i koe was TERRIBLE FEELING!!!! once again had tasted e feeling of losing someone close to me again...its terrible....n i dun wish to taste it again...NEVER!!!

Do any one believe that I Stanley Ng Chuan Guan is a soft-hearted and fragile guy??? i dun tink anyone do believe....but i m one fragile guy...my heart can be broken very easily...i feel that ther is many tings i wish to say out...but i cant put dem all in sentences....come to tink of tt....today in sch i felt like as though i m alone....wen i tok to B....quite a few times...but B duno nv hear or din wan to reply...u koe how hurt was i?? it may seems that i m always posting e same ting over n over again...and it will be tiring for e read to read tiz over n over again....

beside BLOGGING n BLOGGING the same tink over n over....i feel i have no one to tell too....cos YES i admit i m WRONG...wrong for saying i m JEALOUS....but who doesnt feel e same way as i do?? hu is not possesive towards someone that is close to u..Just because you dun see the tears doesn't mean tt they're not there...but do u koe how hurt i m feeling??? who koes?? haix....i m so used to u le....mayb no one is able to replace u in my heart....as a sis....hu reali make me laugh as u laugh n sad as u are feeling sad.....the feeling i m feeling inside me may b different from u.......i koe tt....! haix....all i wish for christmas tiz yr is hoping tings will be back to normal and u being happy n cheerful ger again...tt my wish for mine christmas present...wads urs?

2006-12-06T20:26:00.000+08:00

wad shd i say or post today?? i not sure...but ever since tt problem started...everyone is not happy...including ABCs....no one wishes tings to turn tiz way n tiz bad...all started out becos of me...saying all those nonsense....it happen once before n tings went bad...but tings were fine after tt...however...now i once again make e same mistake...y did i make e same mistake over n over again..?? muz it always be someone tt is close to me always happen tiz problem wif me?? y haven i learn any lesson from it?? i kept askin mysf these few qns over n over again these few days..

Firstly...why m i behavin lidat towards her?? being jealous over her frens ard her?
Ans one: was becos i wanted attention from her...want to let her koe i m here but y m i seen like invisible??
Ans two: mayb i have fallen for her??
Ans three: i have gotten use to her by my side...without her beside...its like so quiet...n joy or laughter...
Ans four: she means alot to me such tt wen i lost someone i m close to i willing to do anyting to save it...which i m tryin to do now but i wasnt given a chance to save it...

Secondly...why did i always push ppl(guys) toward her trying to make dem to be tog?
Ans one: cos i always tinks that tiz guys shd be able to treat her gd n happy...n ther is always topic to tok btw dem...but den end up me mysf n still me...being so upset abt it...n tinkin y i so stupid to do such thing...makin mysf so upset...thats e onli ans i can come out wif....

Thirdly...Y i m being hurt so deeply by her actions n replies??
Ans one: cos she is close to me such tt i treat her like mine owe sis...wen u koe ur sis is angry or upset wif u...wad would u do to make her forgive u n be close wif u again??? do everyting tt is possible to make her forgive u even to tt extend such tt die for her sake to save her at all cost....tts wad i m feeling now...
Ans Two: i m not used wif her not ard me....tt is wher i shd learn to be less dependent on her...which means even she is not ard me i m still cheerfully enuff to live to e fulliest...and not always being upset n waiting for her to come comfort me n coax me....cos she wun be always be ard me...

in short....she is someone impt to me that i dun wish to lose....even though i m badly hurt by her...all i can do is juz bottle it up n let it go n let days passes by painfully till i m numb....my heart is like thousand of knife piercing thru over n over...e ache can nv be gone till one day we r back to e old us...which will be duno wen...i took nearly an hr plus to write tiz post...although it may not mean anyting to any one...but to me....its precious to me....all i have now is memories of her once being close as bro n sis....n juz an overnight....boom all gone....i not sure hu is able to understan e pain i m feeling now.....take care shi jie...i'll be missing u at all times....

2006-12-04T22:23:00.000+08:00

to shi jie and jessica

i m sorry for being tt way...i guess i been lidat wheneva concern someone tt is very close n dear to me....i apologise for everyting once again...i promise u i be better n look on e brighter side n stop bein a immature guy hu always so sensitive...dun feel sad or which word u wish to use...cos wheneva u r sad i will feel sad too...i tink i have been runnin away from too many tings...if ther is anyting bad abt me...juz tell me..dun keep it..if not i would koe aniting...i m sorry i pulled u in to e depression pit...all i can blame is mysf...causin e person ard me espcially u n jess to worry n always have to comfort me when i m down...but i believe i m strong enuff to pull mysf up...but of cos i need time...i m not a guy tt is gd wif words...i may say someting which might may give a wrong idea or wad...but it is not meant to be...ther is too many tings i wanted to say to u..but den its too much to say but onli my action will show u tt tiz is e way u want me to be...i reali wish i could give u a hug to show i m sorry n thx for being ther for me....for all e times u had torlenrated n mayb give in to me....one of e happiest ting in my life is meetin the both of u...although ppl in our always tok abt e both of u....i wan to say thx to you n jessica....both of u r my beloved frens come sis....i love to say A GREAT BIG THANKS TO BOTH OF YOU for being my frens n wheneva i need both of u!!!! i love you two!!!

to mysf

stop wadeva i m now...n move on to e future...stop being so silly n immature...!!!
wake up already!! knock some sense into your head!!!!

2006-12-04T01:33:00.000+08:00

You are The Lovers

Motive, power, and action, arising from Inspiration and Impulse.

The Lovers represents intuition and inspiration. Very often a choice needs to be made.

Originally, this card was called just LOVE. And that's actually more apt than "Lovers." Love follows in this sequence of growth and maturity. And, coming after the Emperor, who is about control, it is a radical change in perspective. LOVE is a force that makes you choose and decide for reasons you often can't understand; it makes you surrender control to a higher power. And that is what this card is all about. Finding something or someone who is so much a part of yourself, so perfectly attuned to you and you to them, that you cannot, dare not resist. This card indicates that the you have or will come across a person, career, challenge or thing that you will fall in love with. You will know instinctively that you must have this, even if it means diverging from your chosen path. No matter the difficulties, without it you will never be complete.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

2006-11-30T20:37:00.000+08:00

again a very foul mood for me today...or say mostly is thur...y is it?? i duno oso....been feelin jealous of many tings....

Story telling again cos tiz is wher ABCs come in to e topic again....been wonder how C is to A? and for B...from wad C tinks is B is always have been a gd fren...a fren tt would be ther to care n share wif...but however...C will feel tt B its not so nice to be keep showerin all e problems n troubles to B....as for A...C reali duno...C has been all always tinking.....Y is C always e one tt doesnt koe aniting abt A n B is toking abt....Hu is e person they were toking abt?? What had happened over e wk or ytd? To C....C feels that A has nv shared any problems with C...mayb wen B n A were quarreling tt period of time...but after tt they were gd frens...so is C....but some how....after some time....C feels so left out...so is B i koe...but B get to share prbs wif A but C doesnt....so C will always out ther tinkin wad is goin on....C wanted to ask A but will A tell C....if will....y doesnt share wif C but keep C in confusion n dilemma...tinkin izt cos C is not worth enuff to be A's fren....or wad??? C needs A to clarify wif C......C juz feel so upset all e time it happens...Y muz A do tiz to C?? its true wad B says....C somehow feel more closer den A...C listens to A most of e time....like now...C is TRYING TO QUIT S*****G for both of them...cos C feels both of them is VERY IMPT to C....without them...C life would be very plain...quiet...no joy or laughter among them...n oso becos its IMPT to C such tt they oso cause him to be sad...lonely...in dilemma....quiet...angry....guilty....many many more...which C oso duno tt....C may say "if want to tell den tell...dun wan to tell den forget it" tts wad C always says...but in fact...C reali wish to koe...juz tt...if who ever dun wish to tell ther is nth tt C can do oso....Correct ma?? Would u force someone to tell someting tt he/she dun wish to say?? duno wad to add on....and of cos...2 yrs passes by juz lidat....3rd yr comin soon...how will be e life be without A n B??

the main ting is tt.....C wants to tell A n B tt....C always b ther for them....Willing to share their problems....n hope A will share wif C and not onli share wif B...cos C oso care for A....C will always miss e both of them..n willing to die to save dem...cos C nv had such frens before....n doesnt wish to lose them....they are currently the dearest to C that may juz drop tears for dem wen they duno wen it happens......

will add on some other time....guess ther will be more stories of ABCs....................take care ABs

2006-11-24T10:51:00.000+08:00

once again....i like to say sry to A n B for me being so sensitive.....tts me...cant change....but...well nvm....i duno wad else shd i say.....but feeling mixed feeling...confuse....angry...tired n tired.....haix....cos both of u is impt to me....tts y i m feeling tiz way....if i m obstructing both of u from meet ur frens...or makin new frens....den mayb i shd move away from both of u?? cos of me...causing so much trb.....haix...

2006-11-13T02:39:00.000+08:00

been a long time since i update tiz....we till now i realise tt me mysf n i do afraid of being lonely...i guess everyone does....tts y wad yuan wrote on his blog is kinda of true...after so many days of moody days....it still moody....i juz dun get it....does A reali treat me as a fren?? even though i told A tt i ther for A n aniting juz sms me or call me...but it turns out tt A always tells everyting to B...u may say i m jealous or wadeva word u wan to use for it...but i feel tt i m always so left out...being thrown to one corner...not knowing wad is goin on.....will A even koe how it felt like??? i duno.....all i koe was i dun i have any real frens.........n hu r they.........

2006-08-08T02:19:00.000+08:00

today i been like moodless...emotionless....no energy n dun felt like toking much....somehow e feeling is abit kind of gd??? being alone is it gd?? at all time reali wonder hu r reali my frens....m i noticed tt i m ard even my existance is ther?? i felt reali tired after time n time again...wads my life gona be??? hu will eventually rmb me tiz person call stanley?? after graduation.....leaving each other do u tink they will rmb u??? for all u had helped dem or wad.....or r they going to backstab u one of these day?? hu koe they appear to be ur fren..but at e back of u saying all ur bad stuff.....for me...if u dun like aniting abt me...so PLS PLS PLS SAY IT IN FRONT OF ME NOT BEHIND......i hate ppl doing tt....how is it tt i gona be okie again??? major exams r ard e corner...stress.....after tt break wad will i be doin??? WORK !!! AND MORE WORK!!!! i wun have joy or laughter....as in from e bottom of mine heart....wadeva laughter i had was all for e sake of laughing....i m reali tired.......it may seems tt i m okie...but hu reali reali understands me?? i dun tink any one reali koe me well enough.....

+ Lonely And Tired +

2006-08-08T01:56:00.000+08:00

5 years ago I was:

Still in Secondary School hanging around wif mine frens play basketball straight after sch....and tiz is wher parts n parcels of my life is coming into place one by one....day by day....month by months....year by year....

5 snacks I enjoy:

1) All Snacks
2) All Snacks
3) All Snacks
4) All Snacks
5) All Snacks

5 songs I know all the words to:

1) A Song To Sing
2) Where Ever You Go
3) National Athem <==== -.- a
4) Some Song
5) Some Song

5 places I would run away to:

1) Japan
2) A place where there is mountains, lakes, garden.....
3) A place where there is FULL OF STARS
4) Outer Space
5) The place of my love ones are

5 things I would never wear:

1) Girl's Stuff
2) Someting that nv look gd on me
3) Stinky and dirty shoe/ shirts
4) Stinky Undergarment
5) Someone's else Underwear

5 bad habits:

1) Stubborn
2) Duno how to say " NO "
3) Duno
4) Duno
5) Duno

3 to 5 can anyone tell me????

5 biggest joys:

1) Able to Fly???
2) Having such caring Frens
3) Used to have a loving grandma
4) Able to travel to space
5) Is it coming to tiz world to have a taste of life?

5 famous people I would date:

None...so wad they are famous...after all they are still human...on earth we r in equal status

5 people to do this quiz :

Same Answer as pervious quiz

2006-08-07T02:15:00.000+08:00

i been forced to tagged tiz....!!!! -.-

7 RANDOM FACTS ABOUT ME:
1) Tall and skinny
2) A person hu feel memories are always memories and it will still be memories
3) A person hu would keep everyting within mysf
4) Always dreaming of flying high up in the sky
5) Alone
6) Love to eat
7) Care for everyone that is around me (espcially those hu reali i care alot about)

7 THINGS THAT SCARE ME:
1) Being left out
2) Flying Xiao Qiang
3) No money???
4) Not able to cherish mine love ones until i reali lost them
5) Being treated like when need u den look for u that kind of frens
6) Unknown
7) Unknown

7 RANDOM MUSIC AT THE MOMENT:
1) Luis Fonsi ~ Imagine Me Without You
2) A1 ~ One Last Song
3) Cao Ge ~ Shi Jie Wei Yi De Ni
4) Hanson ~ A Song To Sing
5) Lifehouse ~ Everything
6) O-Town ~ The Painter
7) Cao Ge ~ Superwoman

7 THINGS I LIKE THE MOST:
1) My Hair On My HEAD!!!
2) Food
3) Music
4) Handphone
5) Computer
6) My Friends
7) Memories??

7 THINGS I SAY THE MOST:
1) Haiz
2) Izt?
3) Okies
4) Fuck La
5) Sianz
6) .......
7) Got nothing to say

7 PEOPLE I WANNA SEE DO THIS:
1) None
2) None
3) None
4) None
5) None
6) None
7) None

Reasons behind... i dun tink ther is ppl comin in to view my blog cos is onli me n my n my com reading it.....

2006-08-04T02:46:00.000+08:00

As long as stars shine down from heaven
And the rivers run into the sea
Till the end of time forever
You're the only love I'll ever need
In my life you're all that matters
In my eyes the only truth I see
When my hopes and dreams have shattered
You're the one thats there for me
When I found you I was blessed
And I will never leave you, I need you
Imagine me without you
I'd be lost and so confused
I wouldn't last a day, I'd be afraid
Without you there to see me through
Imagine me without you
And you know is just impossible
Because of you, It's all brand new
My life is now worthwhile
I can't imagine me without you
When I met you I was falling
You love lifted me back on my feet
It was like you heard my calling
And you rushed to set me free
When I found you I was blessed
And I will never leave you
Imagine me without you
I'd be lost and so confused
I would't last a day, I'd be afraid
Without you there to see me through
Imagine me without you
And you know is just impossible
Because of you, It's all brand new
My life is now worthwhile
I can't imagine me without you
When I found you I was blessed
And I will never leave you, I need you
Imagine me without you
I'd be lost and so confused
I wouldn't last a day, with this pain
Without you to see me through
Imagine me without you
And you know is just impossible
Because of you, It's all brand new
My life is now worthwhile
I can't imagine me
Imagine me
I can't imagine me without you

Who will be tiz person tt make me feel tiz way?? i reali wish to koe hu wil tt be.............................

+ Lonely +

2006-07-15T01:11:00.000+08:00

well weather is reali not gd...raining so heavily in e early morning n den sunshine brightly in e noon....n me...got flu already...mayb due to e other day walk in e heavy rain....haix...today throat is very itchy...n i been coughin coughin none stop...haiz....how i wish ther is someone to be caring for me...i cough till my head go spinning...that i nearly fall in e kitchen today....which may severly head my head at e sharp edge...but luckily manage to balance mysf....haix....nv been feeling so down till some days ago....been so tired lately n so "dead"....no mood to do aniting...but no choice...but to put a false front...but still ppl notice tt y i look so sian sian......haix....wad can i do?? ther is nth i could help it....life for me is so tiring....n of cos i will always be so lonely...hu wud even bother abt my presence......too tired to tink anyting....

+Tired+

2006-07-14T03:13:00.001+08:00

Well today e day went out quite okie i guess...windy day....but however...my throat is still so painfully....haiz....had tiz project...its seems like i m so helpless in it...duno how to do or help jess oso....guess i m being useless...cant blame....after class ended at 8.30+++ my fren called me up to ask me whether do i koe this girl called junie....i told him yes...wad suprise me was tt he told me tt she was gone already....at 1st i din believe him...n was too shock to believe....haix...she n her bf had a car accident i tink...end up e girl (which is mine fren...but not too close e kind but still a fren to me...) had past away n for e guy...i duno wad happen to him and furthermore that happen 1 month ago...n till now we juz koe she had past away.....life is reali short...anyting can happen any time n den....we wun koe wad will happen nx moment or min....like now...i may be sitting well n comfortable in front of mine com...but hu koes tml or mayb even later....i m gone juz like her...life is so unpredictable...i hope could she rest in peace....n her family members wun be so upset anymore...bless dem....such ting happen is reali very tragdy...if one day it happens to me wad will all my frens do or tink???

May God Bless You
Rest In Peace Junie

2006-07-14T03:13:00.000+08:00

2006-07-13T00:45:00.000+08:00

Another day has past....another day of being alone again....wad to update...i reali duno.....it seems that i m so moodless...been like tiz since tt day....she said those hurtful words....or izt i tinking too much? all she said was like tt time...e time we quarrelled over someting...n tings turn out to be cold toward each other...n it seems like it has repeated again?? been like carin for her n all...but den...mayb in a way tt seems like irratin her n all...but den....well.. nvm...no one understand it anyway....always treated her like mine sis....but den...i duno....wad i reali means to her...as in...brotherhood of cos rite....out of so many frenship...i kinda of treasure this relationship wif her.....she is like impt to me....dun wan her to feel sad or wad....cos i will sure feel e same way as her...thats wad she gave me e kind of feeling....haix...been coughin so long...since e day i eat a few pieces of cholcolates given by paterica my manager....nv see doc oso....too lazy...throat so itchy....guess till here but....cos i promise jess to update....haha -.-

Sometimes its gd to have love ones to be by ur side........
+ Lonely +

2006-07-12T00:41:00.000+08:00

Yes, i got tagged

1. Siti Daliah
2. Stella
3. Emili
4. Charlene
5. Jessica
6. Shi Jie
7. Yu pei
8. Shu ping
9. Kai Shing
10. Zhan Guo
11. Chun kiat
12. Benjamin
13. Khirul
14. Sau Foo
15. Zhong Ze
16. Kang Wei
17. Jasper
18. Benedict
19. Ke Yang
20. Jonathan Cao

1. How did you meet number 14?
(Sau Foo)In NYP, the 1st time i played tennis with benjamin and khirul...but of cos i played basketball 1st den tennis...

2.What would you do if you had never met Number 1?
(Siti Daliah)Guess i would not able to miss her like most of the time i do now...Life still goes on even if i nv had met her....

3.What would you do if 20 and 9 dated you?
(Jonathan Cao) Date as in wad??? i dont mind havin an outing or wad....but if is wif him...i guess would be a gym date....haha
(Kai Shing)....y would he even date me.....???

4.Would 6 and 17 make a good couple?
(Shi Jie & Jasper) eh....i dun tink they will click ba....haha..cos jasper dislike e gers in our class practically but he does hate shi jie of cos...juz that...doesnt like wad they do...so obivously they wont make a gd couple...besides shi jie still in love wif tt guy....

5.Describe Number 3.
(Emili) She is blur like sotong...but den carin towards her frens....frenly....n of cos makin ppl feel that she needed to be taken care of....emotional too....take love matter seriously...always tinking and care abt others 1st instead of hersf...she always make e 1st move to everyting...but den she is very easily broke down into tears...

6.Do you think No.8 is attractive?
(Shu ping) eh...attractive??? mayb her character??? her actions and all...in e past she look very untidy cos of her curly hair...but den wahahaha got bf liao ma...muz ta ban nice nice wad...haha so in another words she become chio liao...gd for u man "bro"...haha

7.Tell me something about No.7.
(Yu pei)She love sports....slping...eating...playing...go see her frenster wan??? haha....well she is
a gentle ger....can say emotional...a person that is strong?? she is of cos 18 yrs old...in case u duno...she is a ger...haha....frenly...caring...outing...sporty...cheerful plus joyful....

8.Do you know anything about no.12's family?
(Benjamin) yup i do koe...but someting is better not to say rite...?? but he live in Ang Mo Kio wif his grandma most of e time....n back to Toa Payoh sometimes....got brother n sisters....

9.What is No.10's favourite?
(Zhan Guo) Fighting....KP-ing....smoking....reporting....KPO-ing

10.What would you do if 11 confesses that he/she likes you?
(Chun Kiat) oh pls...although his hair is longer den mine....he is not a ger...so tt will nv happen de...if did wad can i do....but most prob is confess to ben or cason la...haha

11. What language does 15 speak?
(Zhong Ze) Chinese, English, Dialects

12.Who is 18 going out with?
(Benedict) i would like to koe oso....its been more den 3 yrs he contact me....so i duno wads going on in his life cos i dun tink he treat me as a fren anymore....

13.What is your relationship with no.16 and how old is he/she now?
(Kang Wei) He is my fren....he is 19 yrs old...

14.When was the last time you talked to 13?
(Khirul) today lor....

15.Who's 2's favorite singer?
(Stella) Gd qns.....haha i duno....haha

16.Would you date number 4?
(Charlene) i did tried...but it all din turn out well i guess.....from gd to worst....even now she doesnt reply me at all treatin me like some kind of monster or wad.....WTF!

17.Would you date 14?
(Sau Foo) haha...will if HEBE is ther wif him...haha.....

18.Is 15 single?
(Zhong Ze) i tink is attached ba....now i not too sure....

19.What's 10's last name?
LIM ZHAN GUO thats his name in IC....so u say which is his last name??

20.Would you ever consider being in a relationship with 6?
(Shi jie) With her?? e truth...got but den i realise tt e like was juz a sister n brother love...haha...cos i care alot of her being...but juz tt e way of me expressin out is difficult to understand....and oso we both surname NG!!! tell me is tt possible???

21.What school does 3 go to?
(Emili)Currently she is not studying....

22.Where does 4 live?
(Charlene) Simei Block duno wad...cos i koe how to walk ther nia...lol....#07-506

23.What's your favorite thing about number 5?
(Jessica) her maturity....open-minded mind....her thoughtfuliness....

24. What do you think of no.13?
(Khirul) a guy that many gers like??? haha....gd tennis player....big size like tide hunter...haha....

25. What do no.4 and no.19 have in common?
(Ke yang & Charlene) both of them used to like each other.....spendthifty...

26.what special qualities does no.17 hold in your life?
(Jasper) i duno......nv find out abt tt....cos nth holds my life stablily....

2006-07-11T01:11:00.000+08:00

New day begins but nth changes as usual....wad is ther for me to update...ppl keep asking me to update...but den...wads e used?? does it reali help? i duno....i duno...feeling so lonely n retard now....total no mood to do aniting at all today....since morning.....wad else can i say n do....NOTHING!!!
+ Lonely +
+ Expressionless +

2006-05-27T01:44:00.000+08:00

its been a very long time ever since i updated my blog....cos it seems that ther is nth for me to post at all....ther is no life in it and everyting seems to be like e same every wk....expect for tiz wk i had sprained my ankle which me an outcast where ever i go....ppl would stare at me for no reason....or r they tinking is tiz guy crippled or wad....blah blah blah n so on....guess they would be tinking that way ba...anyway i dun care abt tt oso.....haiz....recent reali i dun have any mood to do anyting or tink of aniting....cos everyday is e same...n soon test are coming n i been like slack since last semster....how can i ever catch up??? too many distractions n all....i wish i could do well n all but i koe is impossible cos i m not someone hu is able to learn tings fast n catch fast.....haix...sick n tired of every ting ard me.....i feel that i m so outcast by everything is ard me....frens or family i feel so left out n all....nth seems to interest me....sometimes bein alone is gd too...at least u will feel calm or wadeva so.....haiz........guess ther is nth much to add on either..........

2006-05-07T01:40:00.000+08:00

After all so long i din update...n now i wish to do so....after soon long....5 mths of lovin her....still end up she liking someone else even she knew that i still like her....today.....juz now...she juz sms me....that she got a BF....well....wad can i say....nth but juz congrat to ther.....tts e onli ting i can say to her.....all i koe i m feeling down n heartbroken.....y muz tings happen tiz way??? i reali duno....i m tired of all these.....keeping mysf busy throughout my holidays....n wen sch starts....i keep mysf busy everyday....dun even have e time to rest or hang out wif frens.....y muz she do tiz to me??? once again.....i cried for her.....
+ Missing And Loving You +
= Waiting For You =
* Hurt And Heartbroken *

2006-04-07T23:06:00.000+08:00

hmm...recently reali feel that ther is nth much to blog abt...i duno y oso...mayb its too boring for me?? cos nth in my life now is making me feel lively and all...jessica abt her troubles ytd...so i hope she is fine and be ready to move forward again...=)...cos i ke its hard for her to get out of it...cos if tt happen to every gers guess won't be an easy matter to forget too...well wish her all e best ba...

hmm...its been nearly a week i din meet up wif her and sharon?? hmm....now sharon koes everything..i oso wad to say lor...but at first she say sharon doesn't need to koe..but why now she told her everyting and say tt she need to koe now??? reali dun understand...haix...sharon ask me a reali tough questions....who will i save if she and charlene fall off from a high place...i told her i duno...cos i nv tot of tt....haix...she ask tiz question is becos ytd while i was working a small young ger nearly fall off from e 4th lvl...but luckily her dad stopped her...or else reali duno wad will happen...i got shock for tt....if she were to reali fall off wad will i do?? but i have a feeling tt i will jump n catch her...haix...luckily such ting din happen...=)

did i mention before...i was somehow like "forced" to be taken pic wif...haha...tink abt it oso funny...the first time was wif some strong n well builded guys from LA...and ytd...once more...i was asked whether is it okie to be taken a pic wif...but tiz time is a Japenese lady...cool huh?? haha...i was like errr......okie...haha...she told me not to be shy...haha...funny sia.....2 times le...will i be able to find someone i love oso?? or i will still love her still till one day reali e feeling is gone??? i duno....FATE!!!!!!

hmm...realise that?? tiz is mine 1st blog that ever had a HAHA in the post?? mayb that somehow makes me feel better?? well doesn't matter...life for me still the same....

+ Missing And Loving You +
= Waiting For You =
* Hurt And Heartbroken *

2006-04-05T01:39:00.000+08:00

hmm...i feel these few days will be so quiet and lonely...Nothing seems to be interesting for me...Life is so boring oso...Nothing changes...All e tings is the same...Work besides work only still work...After work go home online after online only can slp le till tml wake up work again...Everyday oso e same old routine...Nothing else to do...Even workin i dun tink i feel happy abt it...Even though i koe they say its okie okie but deep inside i guess i koe wad are they thinking oso...For example Melvin the chief of the restaurant i koe he deep inside is keepin scolding n on on.....haix....i dun feel like workin but i have no choice....need cash for mysf....i have to support mysf....haix...life so sucky for me man....ppl keep telling me not to tink so much but tts not easy....i feel that ther is not for me to work towards too in my life...no life at all....so dead...so lonely and cold....juz like e weather...keep on raining but ther wun be a rainbow after..although ther will be sun shinning brightly again....now i m like a dark well...waiting for someone to help me and all...but its hard to pull mysf up and work towards my goal...hmmm i duno wad else to say or do le...gone off now.......

+ Missing And Loving You +
= Waiting For You =
* Hurt And Heartbroken *

2006-03-30T23:10:00.000+08:00

Today my day is juz so bored and tiring...slept till about 1++...wanted to slp throughout my day but mom juz dun allow...keep on sort of waking me up... haix...my life is so boring now...nth seems to keep me alive n lively...everyting i do is like so "dead" and lifeless....haix...duno wads wrong wif me oso...under depression?? guess not ba...did nothing much...wake up and e nx ting is online n doing nth...stare at e com n it stare back...other den staring sure ther is music to make some noise...play games?? sian oso....tts y i say i got no life now...haix...

oh btw did i mention abt ytd?? not sure...anyway...tings for ytd doesnt seems happy oso ba...2nd day of chalet but still tings e same as ever...boring n still boring...or mayb izt becos she is not ard that makes me feel so bored n lonely?? haix....char n shar were suspose to come on e 2nd day too...however becos of wad happen tt nite make dem dun wish to come...haix...sry for that...invited u all but tings turn out tt way....sry....feel bad abt it oso...haix...or mayb din call e other 2 come tings might be better?? i duno wif dem ard is like more life n joy but u will see me gone quiet n alone....duno...sometimes i hate dem but they are my brothers...so i dun blame dem but mysf...cos i duno how to do e talkin and all...unlike dem...koe how to communicate with others....sometimes i reali wonderin wad is char tinking...does she koe tt i m ard?? seriously i m hurt deeply becos of her....once again....love made me change to another person...tts y people say love is blind...i duno my mind now is in a whirl...very confuse and puzzled of all e tings she had done n said to me....i need help...but hu can help me....hu can pull me out of tiz trap?? sux man....my life is so damn sux....feeling very ting i done is so foolish and stupid but yet useless and hopeless....i am juz like a living coprse...feeling is so dead and lonely....all i did is so like "DEAD"....no life no joy no mood everyting nothing.....char y muz u treat me like tiz....i dun dare to say any feeling of mine to u....i very scared u wun tok to me or even ignored me....now u r somehow forgotten abt me....i m like no one to u....unlike last time.....haix.........i reali wan to cry out....who is able to make me do that???

+ Missing And Loving You +
= Waiting For You =
* Hurt And Heartbroken *

2006-03-29T13:08:00.000+08:00

Normally chalets are meant to be a happy time spending wif all ur frens...But tiz time...e chalet reali sux...Its not fun..And me...feelin so lonely and stupid there...

Okie lets talk about my class chalet...Everyone before exams was so excited planning for chalet or BBQ but now look what happened?? How "MANY" of us went from our class?? hmm....2 hands is enough to count that...Its damn tulan lor...All plan properly...Say okie will go...Den wad happen so "MANY" of us were there man....So "CROWDED"...tulan anot...nevermind...I brought some frens over trying to make e chalet more lively...Its okie at e beginninng...But later.........nvm....Dun wish to mention it...All I can say is there is no reasons to be for another class chalet when everyone is putting everyone fei ji...Hey look here...We paid for it so we go...But den e rest din turn up...We made tiz chalet for u guys but now someone has to paid more den wad is one person is paying...Is it fair to him?? I don't tink so....I m feeling so tulan liao even before chalet...And now worst....

I reali love to koe something...Who are ur real frens and who is juz try to act like a fren to u??? I can admit something...I do wish to care for my frens...But I duno how to do so...I not so approach a kind of person ...i duno how to tok to someone...i not talktive kind of person...i duno how to communicate with people...so do they mistaken me for a fren for not caring for them or wad??Seriously life for me now is messy and complicated i duno wad i wan in life...everyday worrying for e same stuff....ain't sick of it if you were me?? Sometimes i even wonder am i a loner in tiz social world or am i left out from all mine frens?? i m speechless....bothered by everything..everything seems so useless , meaningful and hopeless for me...trying to be mysf again but i juz couldn't able to do it....even so its onli for a short period of time...why am i lidat?? Haix..!!!

All of us were kinda of happy....but den after they came....tings starting to be like i m thrown to one side?? i m being left out...i m alone again...am i feeling senstive again??? i reali duno...wondering why am i born in this world?? Wad am i doing in tiz world?? What is it that is waiting for me to do before everyting come to an end....??What am i suspose to be doing in tiz complicated and full of pain world??? Can anyone tell me e reasons of mine existance in tiz world?? And i dun get it....wen i smoke they make a fuss out of it...but why are they doing it too....do they understand y m i doing tiz....no!! no one koes expect mysf...What i wan is a reali LIFE and not e life i am living now...e whole nite i din slp at all....couldn't sleep....at times i sit up and look at her slping so sweetly and peaceful..even we 6 of us squeezed into one bed...i sit ther alone...looking at her slping...hoping that i m juz beside her...hugging her to keep her warm till she is aslp...but will it happen even after some time?? i juz feel that wen Z and N is ther...i m thrown to one corner...not even knowing i m ther anot....tiz is not being senstive or wad...but from wad it seems it is like tiz....they are like toking to each other happily and laughing ...but have they notice abt me?? i m ther hearing n smiling like one baboon juz for e sake of smiling....haix....i duno everytime i felt like crying...but couldn't cried out...haix........what LIFE man?? Hell someone pls tell me......

+ Missing And Loving You +
= Waiting For You =
* Hurt And Heartbroken *

2006-03-28T01:23:00.000+08:00

haix......tings is alrite ba?? i somehow trying to be happy in front of her...but deep inside me is juz a lonely guy waiting for her foolishly...duno wad is she tinking abt...wad does she mean for all she had said to me before....did i love e wrong person rite now??? m i e guy she is looking for or is she e ger i m looking for?? if she is not..y does i care abt her so much n she means so much to me her name is always appearing in my head..?? sometimes even dreamt of her...why ?? why love is so complicated n tough to understand?? Is love very hard to achieve?? i m trying my very best to have a happy n long relation but heaven n e ger i love juz damn Po Wo Leng Shui....i waited for 2 yrs n found someone i love...but den she doesnt love me....did she?? How much do i mean to her??? she juz said someting to me....making me feel so hurt n sad now..

she said to me : I don't have the right to say u...you shd koe wad you shd do...

so she said tiz to me....wad is she trying to tell me??? telling me tt she dun care abt me abt wad i m doing....n i shd koe wad is rite n wads wrong...?? is tiz wad she is trying to tell me...?? i reali duno...how i wish i can have powers...as in supernatural powers....now life is torturing for me...life full of problems....family......love and studies....wad else more coming up? if the world is coming to an END....wad do i wish for??? be at her side before e EARTH GO BOMB!!! seriously i nv tink of it...ask Chong tiz qns....he answered me tt he will find e ger he loved so much now n kissed her telling her tt he will nv even leave her again....tts e answer i expected he will say...how abt me....i will say tiz....i wish i would have super power...to stop e world going BOMB....even if i die its okie...cos e World is saved from being gone....n of cos everyone will be living like normal...n e ger i love most will be still alive....i koe ppl will say tt i m being unrealistic...but that e feelin i m feeling if it reali happens...i dun mind sacrafices mysf for e sake of everyone in e world.....haix....i duno....feeling down n sad now....i wish got punchin bag.....guess i stop here...cos i duno wad else to say....i m speechless....LOVE LOVE LOVE......haix......

+ Missing And Loving You +
= Waiting For You =
* Hurt And Heartbroken *

2006-03-26T01:48:00.000+08:00

okie....lets start wif my day in e morning....feeling moody and low....cos of wad happen ytd n for e past 2 wks...tings changed tts y...n it seems tt both of us we unhappy too....but for her case i not sure wads wrong ba...work starts at 12pm....so yup....dun have e mood to work too....face was as long as a neck of a giraffe....no smiles or expression..but onli sadness...yup...my manager somehow notice it too...he asked me but i juz kept quiet...so enuff...i made many mistakes...for example...takin orders for customer....i tend to always write e wrong CODE for e food...tiz is not e 1st time but 3rd or 4th time le...haix...so he was angry...somehow my manager threw a little slightly bit of temper le....showin his stern face at me...i was ther without any expression n juz hearing scolding me lor....soon i walk away..stood at e counter ther...trying to smile at e customers...but den deep inside me i felt like crying out....guess i m too emotional ba....i wanted to cry but not becos manager scolded me or wad..is i felt i so useless....emotionally got hurt by her...but i controlled...so it stop....den manager was back to normal...trying to joke ard wif us again...but den i was ther emotionless again...haix..nvm....he notice abt me ba....he is a gd guy =)....after i end work...yuan kai told me to join dem at suntec to watch e superband...i wanted to go but i knew she will be ther...so i tot of not goin but deep down inside i wanted to go ther juz to see her...i was afraid she koe i m ther she will put her long face again....tts wad i dun like...i love her smilin faces....luffin n luffin.....haix....reached ther...yuan kai n frens waiting for me....haix...somehow got slightly better...but still e same ba....waited for e queue for e superband to enter e place....finally got in...n we took a spot wher e camera is n wher all e judges are ther too....omg....we will be on tv on e day tt is going to show e superband....-.- all of them were cool n done a gd job...at least they have e courage to go national tv to show their talents...i wish i could dance n sing like dem...haix.....life is reali unfair ba...enjoyed it throughout...din koe e ger tt yuan kai used to like was inside too....all dem disturbed him....shouting out his name wen its their turn(xin min grp is called glamours)...so ya he was so pai seh...haha...luckily e crowded was not very crowded...so i stood at e back watchin and at e same time will peep at her lor...=) after e show all of us we going off...n charlene her mood started to change...to bad...she is walking alone...i wanted to go over n tok to her n stuff...but i dun dare....i was afraid...to say wrong tings again...i dun wish we quarrelled again...all i wish was like e past...she will ask me out n i will find her out...hang ard n slack tog again....so is it possible to be lidat once again??? i have no idea....guess i have to learn to let loose a little le....cos i koe its abit pressuring for her?? cos i felt e pressure mysf too....=( so ya....tts all i can do for e moment while of cos keep on waiting for her till mayb 1 day e feeling is gone ?? wanted to sent her home...but she din wan me too...cos she said dun wan to trb ppl....eh...tt is one ting... TRB PPL?? wad does she mean?? dun wan me to send her home?? mayb?? duno...din tink of it until now....haha lame.....so walk out of e station den she is asking me to go home or else she will get angry...so i have no choice...juz have to walk back to e platform...cos i dun wish her to be angry or wad....i shd have told her before hand....so tings wun be like tiz?? haix....hard to koe wad she is tinkin..her mood can juz change anitime of e day....so i reali duno wad to do oso....haix.....trying to stay happy now...but i tink its hard....haix.....learn to let go abit ba....although i love her so much...wishin she is wif me all e time n stuff....so juz wait for e time to come?? but wen do i koe i stand a chance??????? BIG QUESTION MARK ????? well...hope tings will be better for now.....hope we can be like we were before... =)

+charlene once again i love u n miss u....u will always be on mine mind.... +

* Hurt And Heartbroken *

2006-03-25T01:22:00.000+08:00

today tot will be a gd day for me....starting off was still alrite...was hoping to see her after 4 days din met her...i tot i was going to be slightly feeling better...but i was wrong...everyting dropped to ZERO again....mood is back to e same old ting...reached somerset....she wen to buy someting...so i n nigel tot its okie if we smoke 1st..tot she wun see...but she saw....din say aniting abt it....okie...nvm...tts wen i ask her izt she koe i smoke...haix...why cant tings be like wad it used to be??? between us tings changed...change to worst...instead of gd...tts wad i dun wish for....why muz tings become lidat?? i reali duno.....a big question mark is in my head...e whole day looking at her....i wish i have some topics to tok to her...but it juz seems nth to tok to her...saw zhan n nigel tokin to her n she is smiling n smiling....yes i may not be outspoken...i duno how to show some1 how much i care for or love....but she reali mean alot to me...although i koe zhan n nigel dun like her...but i feel jeasousy in me...see dem toking happily...every guys will feel tiz way if some guys tok to e person u love tt happily...n u n her r not tog....tts human natural...all humans will feel tiz way....y muz it be me again...i reali feel hurt n pain already...everyday i have to do e same tings....i tot working will help me..but hell NO....always smiling to others.....but deep inside me i m so fucked up....kept tinking of her....while i m working like fuck...she is slackin wif others....sometimes i wonder...hu m i to her??? did she even care abt me?? she say if she dun care abt me she dun even tok to me....but look....how long did we both reali had a gd tok...a tok tt both of us is happy?? every nite i felt like crying out...but i cant...i m crazy over her...she means alot to me so much...y cant she give me n hersf a chance??? i reali duno wad she wants...why!!! She is the first to make me realise that she mean alot alot to me....i m already speechless....ther is no words to describe how i feel now....i m totally useless....such a loser i m.....y m i born in tiz world....suffer all e emotions n problems......Fuck IT!!!

+Char i reali miss you alot...do u koe how much u mean to me even though u dun love me!!!+

* Hurt And Heartbroken *

2006-03-23T01:14:00.000+08:00

09/03/2006
Sometimes loving someone is very tiring and painful specially is someone that doesn't love you...At certain moment you are thinking of her...What is she done now?? Is she thinking of you like you are thinking of her every moment?? I am somehow very tired of all these..Even though that she s loving someone else..Although she din say anything about it to me or who...But can see and feel it...That's wad she is feeling...I tried to understand her situation but I couldn't...Knowing she still like him all I can do is WAIT and still WAIT...I mysf duno wad shd I do too...everytime I kept every little bit to mysf...Not letting others know...Putting a smiling face infront of others...But deep inside...A broken heart...She said give us time...How long will it be?? Is it true that she reali meant it?? Reali wish I could hold her hands and gave her a hug...But I koe that day may not come..I am one such person that lacks confidence...Always thinking I m not gd in everything...I am afraid of tiz and that...I thought I found someone I reali love after e last relationship which is 2 years ago...And things turn out tiz way...Life is so miserable for me now..First Family Problem and now Love Problem...Why is my live so many problems...?? Reali tired of my life..........

10/03/2006
I reali wish I could tell her everything but wads keeping me from telling her?? Am I afraid of wad e outcome will be? Or her answers and her thought?? I wish I could koe everything is in her mind...But juz too afraid to koe too...Seeing her today feel so cold while playing pool...I wish I could go over and juz gave her a hug to keep her warm...But hu m I to do that?? I am juz a fren to her...Or maybe her kor again...Like in e past...Days juz pass and my heart felt so heavy and tired...Love has it always be so tiring and painful when it comes to loving someone that doesn't love you?? It has been always lidat...love matter doesn't change...Go in a circle and it come back to the same problem...Tried to let her go...But it is so difficult... Reali damn tired...i hope i could rest well..But juz have sleepless nights.....haix....

11/03/2006
Somehow today i finally got some answers from her and is the most answer that i dun wish to hear from her...Knowing she haven give up on him y did I love her?? Its because love is blind...Reali love her at e wrong time...When she likes me..I fall for someone else...And now I love her she dun love me...Look heaven love to make a spot out of us rite?? duno how to cherish someone's love when someone love you and you dun love him/her back..That's how life goes about...Life is juz so suck for me...Everything is not going smoothly and the way I wanted it to be....reali tired as day passes...Now mine heart is broken into pieces...Love is juz so painful huh..Can't i have one that could last filled wif happy memories??

12/03/2006
Today i duno wad going on wif me and her..Still feeling sad and moody..toking to her in msn makes me feel so weird...Its like the feeling changed to a fear...Y did i fear to tok to her and oso to see?? i wish i couldsee her tml yet afraid...Again i am thinking too much or maybe i am correct..She is feeling confused...i koe she still likes him ba...But WHY?? Cant she like forget abt him and let someone else that is worth ur love for to enter ur life?? Like me?? Someone hu love u more den he love u now...That's wad i wish for...Wishing she will accept me one day...But i dun like to rush tings...Cause i koe it wun be a happy one...i told mysf to give her longer time to forget him and one fine day she will reali love me...But is it possible?? How long will that be?? 2 years again?? i reali duno wad i wan too...Wan to be wif her yet afraid..Heaven i reali need help...Tell me wad to do...i am reali lost now...All i am feeling now is sadness and fear...Where is e happy side of me?? Its gone for so long and its not back yet..When will it return?? The happy n cheerful guy i used to be?? Is it gone foreva?? Feeling so lost and hurt...Will there be someone that can love me like i love her?? Who will be that person?? Is it going to be HER?? *Hurt*

13/03/2006
Meeting her now...Guess i juz accompany her to orchard den i go off to wherever i am suspose to go? Its ENOUGH for me to even see her for a short moment..i am already content...TV drama always say this...Loving someone doesn't mean that you have to be wif her...How many guys able to do that?? Not sure but i am sure there is some out there to be that noble...reali wan to koe reali able to do that...Once we reached orchard...Waiting for our fren...We juz sat there silently...Not toking to each other much...She listening to her MP3 and me sitting there day-dreaming...Staring blankly...Maybe she isn't meant for me???But why do i love her so much now?? haix...Sometimes when she is sitting in front of me...i feel so uneasy...Dun dare to look at her...Look into her eyes...haix...sux man...i felt so dishearted....havin a feeling that she is somehow avoiding me..?? haix....After we went to orchard to get their stuff...We headed back to PR...Meeting zhan and grp...sat there awhile...Chat n den zhan's fren came...Someone i duno...He wanted to get to koe her...i was like....okie great...Now another guy somehow like her...i was so Fucked up...But i cant do aniting...She have her rights to make more frens...Wanted to have dinner wif them..But i wasn't in a good mood already..so i headed home wif takeaway foods for my mom....haix....I reali LOVE her...Will she understand that or who will understand that??? Sometimes i juz tink that maybe the presence of me around is making her feeling very uneasy and unhappy...so tml suspose to meet dem too...But i juz told dem i not joinin them....haix...+Missing You enelrahc+

14/3/2006
Today din went wif them to their school...Told them i not goin to join them..But in e noon i told them that i will be joining them...But in the end i did not...haix..Saw her before she went to her school...cos wan to meet her to pass her a namecard which i went for an interview juz now...so tot they would like to work too...But i was wrong...She doesn't wan too....Guess is not her type of job ba...Its okie i understand oso...i koe her type of person...so dun blame her...That job doesn't suit her too....But tiz matter had been always in mine mind since the day that we started to dift...Does she want me to be around when we had an outing tog?? Am i right or i was thinking too much?? i duno..But if one day Jason ask her out or tok to her awhile..i guess she will be overjoyed for e rest of her day....That's for sure...Day by day pass...i reali felt so numb and angry...reali speechless le...Is loving someone so tough?? Haix...i wish there is a place for me to go where it is quiet and peacefully...Where there are full of trees and mountain...Without worries...All we can hear is birds n animals...That's e kind of life i want...Once again i SMS her a night msg....i knew it that she will not reply de...haix...

15/3/2006
Sometings seems to be missing between us..Her tone towards me has changed...izt because i gave her too much pressure?? i tink so i did..haix...Y did i do that?? Instead of giving her more time to tink over or alone...i gave her so much pressure...i koe e onli guy in her heart now is still Jason and will be still him...There wun be a place for me to fit in oso....In future i duno...Guess when my school re-open...There wun be even time for us to see each other that often..i wish i could do something for her...But it seems that i m so useless...Instead of making her happy..She is feeling depressed and sad.. And maybe pressured too...haix...Kept thinking of her day n nite...Will she even koe how much she mean to me?? n i m thinking of her all e time...Expressed to her my feelings she din replied me...Why are gers lidat?? Love is tough to understand and painfully..Though it can be sweet but that's when u found someone that love u too....i found someone i love her but she doesn't...That's y its so painfully now...ppl will always tend to treasure something when they lose it...Y is life so unpredictable? So many ups and downs...i wish i could have special ability..To save ppl from aniting...Will i ever get that?
Charlene i love you so much...i duno care or hate me for doing all tiz...juz wan to love you...Hoping everyday that you can give a chance n give ursf a chance..Waiting for the day that you could love me like i love you athough u said tt you already duno how to love some again...When will that day come or will it even come...???

16/3/2006
i am total not even happy about today or not looking forward for today...i said i will protect her and WTF did i do?? NOTHING!!!! All i can do is thinking of all e impossibilities...i reali dun understand her at all...i now damn piss wif no one but mysf...Who koes wad will happen...i dun even dare to tok to her.....Freaking hell juz stood on corner and juz watch all my frens helping her and toking to her happily...i reali feel like crying out...Shouting out loudly...All i can do is there doing nothing but putting a long bloody face....Took a stick to smoke...At tt time i reali duno wad i m doing oso....juz feeling so vexed and all...After smoking when back to dance wif some mood...But soon its gone...And i am back to mine old self again...Doing nothing but slack at coffee shop after e party is over...Tot everyone will be tired and wanting to go home..But we slack till e nx morning 10++.... haix...i m thinking shd i or shdn't i send her home?? reali confused.....i reali wish tt she could be in my arms...Or held her hands...reali wantin to cry out...Wad is she thinking throughtout e whole day...??? Can you tell me ???

17/03/2006
Finally e party is over that everyone is looking forward too....Guess everyone enjoyed themsf...Especial nigel?? Now i am feeling so down...e feeling is indescribable...but i koe inside me is pain and sadness that i am feeling..why can't juz like be normal?? trying to like her like was before...izt becos of wad she had said to me makes me feel all e negative feelings which i am feeling rite now?? Duno wad is she tinking in her mind at all is she tinking of me?? now between us is like there is no topic to tok about too...all we can do is juz being silent..haix..why e gal i love doesn't love me like i do?? izt tiz yr reali not e best yr to love someone?? Loving u id hard but knowing wad u r tinking is evenin tougher for us...expressions says a thousand words...even chong realise about reactions and all....guess no one is able to understand e feeling i am feeeling now..on one is able too...but onli mysf...sitting alone at wisma lvl 1 keep looking ard..while waiting for mine interveiw...somehow still i calm mysf...but still cant help it still from feeling hurt...tt i cried a little will waitin for my interview.....soon sch is starting...i wun be able to see her anymore...wad should i do?? she dun accept me i oso cant do aniting but waiting foolishly n painfully...waiting is all i can do for e ger i love so much...all ting takes time to come into place....how long will it take for mine to take place...??when is meant to be urs it will be urs...Ai qing Si bu neng mian qiang de...i koe that but haix....now i wish i have a stick now....haix...i wish i could see her now...or mayb hearing her say "i miss you" or " i feel like hugging but i scare and pai seh..."These are wad she said to me a few times onli...one week ago....so wad is she trying to tell me?? tt i stand a chance? if so y is tiz happening to me?? all these...?? She juz missed me n hugged me as a fren or wad?? this sux man...reali sux...e feeling juz so sux...y do i have so many difficulties in love problems...some say love someone is fated ......haix......