S T A N L E Y

Thursday, March 23, 2006

09/03/2006
Sometimes loving someone is very tiring and painful specially is someone that doesn't love you...At certain moment you are thinking of her...What is she done now?? Is she thinking of you like you are thinking of her every moment?? I am somehow very tired of all these..Even though that she s loving someone else..Although she din say anything about it to me or who...But can see and feel it...That's wad she is feeling...I tried to understand her situation but I couldn't...Knowing she still like him all I can do is WAIT and still WAIT...I mysf duno wad shd I do too...everytime I kept every little bit to mysf...Not letting others know...Putting a smiling face infront of others...But deep inside...A broken heart...She said give us time...How long will it be?? Is it true that she reali meant it?? Reali wish I could hold her hands and gave her a hug...But I koe that day may not come..I am one such person that lacks confidence...Always thinking I m not gd in everything...I am afraid of tiz and that...I thought I found someone I reali love after e last relationship which is 2 years ago...And things turn out tiz way...Life is so miserable for me now..First Family Problem and now Love Problem...Why is my live so many problems...?? Reali tired of my life..........

10/03/2006
I reali wish I could tell her everything but wads keeping me from telling her?? Am I afraid of wad e outcome will be? Or her answers and her thought?? I wish I could koe everything is in her mind...But juz too afraid to koe too...Seeing her today feel so cold while playing pool...I wish I could go over and juz gave her a hug to keep her warm...But hu m I to do that?? I am juz a fren to her...Or maybe her kor again...Like in e past...Days juz pass and my heart felt so heavy and tired...Love has it always be so tiring and painful when it comes to loving someone that doesn't love you?? It has been always lidat...love matter doesn't change...Go in a circle and it come back to the same problem...Tried to let her go...But it is so difficult... Reali damn tired...i hope i could rest well..But juz have sleepless nights.....haix....

11/03/2006
Somehow today i finally got some answers from her and is the most answer that i dun wish to hear from her...Knowing she haven give up on him y did I love her?? Its because love is blind...Reali love her at e wrong time...When she likes me..I fall for someone else...And now I love her she dun love me...Look heaven love to make a spot out of us rite?? duno how to cherish someone's love when someone love you and you dun love him/her back..That's how life goes about...Life is juz so suck for me...Everything is not going smoothly and the way I wanted it to be....reali tired as day passes...Now mine heart is broken into pieces...Love is juz so painful huh..Can't i have one that could last filled wif happy memories??

12/03/2006
Today i duno wad going on wif me and her..Still feeling sad and moody..toking to her in msn makes me feel so weird...Its like the feeling changed to a fear...Y did i fear to tok to her and oso to see?? i wish i couldsee her tml yet afraid...Again i am thinking too much or maybe i am correct..She is feeling confused...i koe she still likes him ba...But WHY?? Cant she like forget abt him and let someone else that is worth ur love for to enter ur life?? Like me?? Someone hu love u more den he love u now...That's wad i wish for...Wishing she will accept me one day...But i dun like to rush tings...Cause i koe it wun be a happy one...i told mysf to give her longer time to forget him and one fine day she will reali love me...But is it possible?? How long will that be?? 2 years again?? i reali duno wad i wan too...Wan to be wif her yet afraid..Heaven i reali need help...Tell me wad to do...i am reali lost now...All i am feeling now is sadness and fear...Where is e happy side of me?? Its gone for so long and its not back yet..When will it return?? The happy n cheerful guy i used to be?? Is it gone foreva?? Feeling so lost and hurt...Will there be someone that can love me like i love her?? Who will be that person?? Is it going to be HER?? *Hurt*

13/03/2006
Meeting her now...Guess i juz accompany her to orchard den i go off to wherever i am suspose to go? Its ENOUGH for me to even see her for a short moment..i am already content...TV drama always say this...Loving someone doesn't mean that you have to be wif her...How many guys able to do that?? Not sure but i am sure there is some out there to be that noble...reali wan to koe reali able to do that...Once we reached orchard...Waiting for our fren...We juz sat there silently...Not toking to each other much...She listening to her MP3 and me sitting there day-dreaming...Staring blankly...Maybe she isn't meant for me???But why do i love her so much now?? haix...Sometimes when she is sitting in front of me...i feel so uneasy...Dun dare to look at her...Look into her eyes...haix...sux man...i felt so dishearted....havin a feeling that she is somehow avoiding me..?? haix....After we went to orchard to get their stuff...We headed back to PR...Meeting zhan and grp...sat there awhile...Chat n den zhan's fren came...Someone i duno...He wanted to get to koe her...i was like....okie great...Now another guy somehow like her...i was so Fucked up...But i cant do aniting...She have her rights to make more frens...Wanted to have dinner wif them..But i wasn't in a good mood already..so i headed home wif takeaway foods for my mom....haix....I reali LOVE her...Will she understand that or who will understand that??? Sometimes i juz tink that maybe the presence of me around is making her feeling very uneasy and unhappy...so tml suspose to meet dem too...But i juz told dem i not joinin them....haix...+Missing You enelrahc+

14/3/2006
Today din went wif them to their school...Told them i not goin to join them..But in e noon i told them that i will be joining them...But in the end i did not...haix..Saw her before she went to her school...cos wan to meet her to pass her a namecard which i went for an interview juz now...so tot they would like to work too...But i was wrong...She doesn't wan too....Guess is not her type of job ba...Its okie i understand oso...i koe her type of person...so dun blame her...That job doesn't suit her too....But tiz matter had been always in mine mind since the day that we started to dift...Does she want me to be around when we had an outing tog?? Am i right or i was thinking too much?? i duno..But if one day Jason ask her out or tok to her awhile..i guess she will be overjoyed for e rest of her day....That's for sure...Day by day pass...i reali felt so numb and angry...reali speechless le...Is loving someone so tough?? Haix...i wish there is a place for me to go where it is quiet and peacefully...Where there are full of trees and mountain...Without worries...All we can hear is birds n animals...That's e kind of life i want...Once again i SMS her a night msg....i knew it that she will not reply de...haix...

15/3/2006
Sometings seems to be missing between us..Her tone towards me has changed...izt because i gave her too much pressure?? i tink so i did..haix...Y did i do that?? Instead of giving her more time to tink over or alone...i gave her so much pressure...i koe e onli guy in her heart now is still Jason and will be still him...There wun be a place for me to fit in oso....In future i duno...Guess when my school re-open...There wun be even time for us to see each other that often..i wish i could do something for her...But it seems that i m so useless...Instead of making her happy..She is feeling depressed and sad.. And maybe pressured too...haix...Kept thinking of her day n nite...Will she even koe how much she mean to me?? n i m thinking of her all e time...Expressed to her my feelings she din replied me...Why are gers lidat?? Love is tough to understand and painfully..Though it can be sweet but that's when u found someone that love u too....i found someone i love her but she doesn't...That's y its so painfully now...ppl will always tend to treasure something when they lose it...Y is life so unpredictable? So many ups and downs...i wish i could have special ability..To save ppl from aniting...Will i ever get that?
Charlene i love you so much...i duno care or hate me for doing all tiz...juz wan to love you...Hoping everyday that you can give a chance n give ursf a chance..Waiting for the day that you could love me like i love you athough u said tt you already duno how to love some again...When will that day come or will it even come...???

16/3/2006
i am total not even happy about today or not looking forward for today...i said i will protect her and WTF did i do?? NOTHING!!!! All i can do is thinking of all e impossibilities...i reali dun understand her at all...i now damn piss wif no one but mysf...Who koes wad will happen...i dun even dare to tok to her.....Freaking hell juz stood on corner and juz watch all my frens helping her and toking to her happily...i reali feel like crying out...Shouting out loudly...All i can do is there doing nothing but putting a long bloody face....Took a stick to smoke...At tt time i reali duno wad i m doing oso....juz feeling so vexed and all...After smoking when back to dance wif some mood...But soon its gone...And i am back to mine old self again...Doing nothing but slack at coffee shop after e party is over...Tot everyone will be tired and wanting to go home..But we slack till e nx morning 10++.... haix...i m thinking shd i or shdn't i send her home?? reali confused.....i reali wish tt she could be in my arms...Or held her hands...reali wantin to cry out...Wad is she thinking throughtout e whole day...??? Can you tell me ???

17/03/2006
Finally e party is over that everyone is looking forward too....Guess everyone enjoyed themsf...Especial nigel?? Now i am feeling so down...e feeling is indescribable...but i koe inside me is pain and sadness that i am feeling..why can't juz like be normal?? trying to like her like was before...izt becos of wad she had said to me makes me feel all e negative feelings which i am feeling rite now?? Duno wad is she tinking in her mind at all is she tinking of me?? now between us is like there is no topic to tok about too...all we can do is juz being silent..haix..why e gal i love doesn't love me like i do?? izt tiz yr reali not e best yr to love someone?? Loving u id hard but knowing wad u r tinking is evenin tougher for us...expressions says a thousand words...even chong realise about reactions and all....guess no one is able to understand e feeling i am feeeling now..on one is able too...but onli mysf...sitting alone at wisma lvl 1 keep looking ard..while waiting for mine interveiw...somehow still i calm mysf...but still cant help it still from feeling hurt...tt i cried a little will waitin for my interview.....soon sch is starting...i wun be able to see her anymore...wad should i do?? she dun accept me i oso cant do aniting but waiting foolishly n painfully...waiting is all i can do for e ger i love so much...all ting takes time to come into place....how long will it take for mine to take place...??when is meant to be urs it will be urs...Ai qing Si bu neng mian qiang de...i koe that but haix....now i wish i have a stick now....haix...i wish i could see her now...or mayb hearing her say "i miss you" or " i feel like hugging but i scare and pai seh..."These are wad she said to me a few times onli...one week ago....so wad is she trying to tell me?? tt i stand a chance? if so y is tiz happening to me?? all these...?? She juz missed me n hugged me as a fren or wad?? this sux man...reali sux...e feeling juz so sux...y do i have so many difficulties in love problems...some say love someone is fated ......haix......

posted at 1:14 AM